5 rounds #HIIT, 3 burnouts, quick stretch & savasana

HIIT based on BodyRock HIITmax week 6, and then burnouts, 26, 30 & 28 in that order. And no food yet! I’d be really skinny if I didn’t drink so much local IPA, but, self medication.


Set 1 (50/10), *Skipping

  1. Elevated 1-leg push-up & then spider, alt
  2. In & Out Squat alt, 40lbs
  3. Side push-up, knee tuck & jump, alt
  4. Plank jack & shoulder tap
  5. Clean & press, 30lbs
  6. Tricep dips

Set 2, *Wide Squat & Punch 3lb weights, alt

  1. Pike push-up & then divebomber
  2. Tricep floor squat & tuck jump
  3. Overhead tricep, 20lbs
  4. Lateral & front raise, alt, 20lbs
  5. Competition burpees to tuck jump
  6. Frog hops

Set 3, *Burpee lunge (opp sides) no push-ups / Skipping

  1. Elevated feet, pull knee in & then touch opp elbow
  2. Wide leg frogger
  3. Forearm side plank, pull knee into elbow, 5lbs
  4. Other side
  5. Ustrasana, butt squeeze
  6. Overhead abs, 10lbs

Set 4, *Mat Jumps

  1. Backward lunge & squat, opp legs, 40lbs
  2. Warrior rows, alt, 30lbs
  3. Pistol squats, alt
  4. Static lunge hop
  5. Other side
  6. Goblet squats, 30lbs

Set 5, *High Knees

  1. Push-up, 1/2 burpee, upright row, 30lbs
  2. Bent-over rows, 40lbs
  3. Bicep curls
  4. Hammer curls
  5. Handstand
  6. Mountain climber hops

40-min #meditation • I think it’s helping

One of the most useful things I took away from obsessive-compulsive asana practice is the ability to sit in padmasana for long stretches. I wasn’t convinced this was the best pose for meditation until I started trying to meditate for longer than 15-minutes.

It’s interesting to see how long I can go in non language internal awareness, while maintaining my focal point at the nostrils…


I just got denying #yoga can be a bit more of a salvation than other exercise, at times

I really plugged into the yoga today! If a physical / spiritual practice can take you away from sadnesses and worries, as well as get your blood pumping, well then, by all means, take as much as you have time for. In an underemployed, freelance situation, it can be hard to remember to take time to enjoy.

I followed yesterday’s prescription for recovery day: 40-min meditation and two hours of yoga.


  • My normal blend of primary, second and a tiny bit of 3rd to laghu vajrasana.
    Time = 1:10:38
  • 15/40 back bending intervals. Filmed this bit realtime to take a look at later. I’ll update this post if I decide to YouTube it. Time = 16:30. Total time at this point 1:34:38

    1. Standing arch A
    2. Forward bend
    3. Stanging arch B
    4. Forward bend
    5. Standing arch C
    6. Uttana
    7. Standing arch C
    8. Seated moving twist
    9. Standing arch D
    10. Uttana
    11. Standing arch D
    12. Seated moving twist
    13. Urdhva @ wall 1
    14. Rest
    15. Urdhva @ wall 2
    16. Rest
    17. Urdhva @ wall 3
    18. Rest
  • Regular Urdhva D to stand & 3 drop backs
  • Finishing
  • Savasana!

22-min #meditation • Sit of desperation

I’m doing what I can. With the light of my current read, I realize that anyone in my psychological condition should probably have professional help. I’ve always been a do-it-yourselfer… It’s been over a year since I’ve had a professional haircut. I could have my boyfriend to it, sure, not that he’s a hairdresser. I keep thinking I’ll let it get shaggy, but then I give myself impromptu haircuts, lopping off pieces that stick out willy nilly, like this morning.

It’s now been… let’s see… a month and a half since I dumped a bunch of toxic chemicals on my scalp. I hated doing that. If you’re really gray, the only healthy AND attractive way to color is to get highlights & lowlights, with the dyes painted in foils, so the chemicals never touch your scalp. In this way the colored sections can be interspersed with your natural, graying color as well, and it’s way less damaging than constant, flat color applied all over. But the last time I was doing that in NYC, I was spending $230 every two months. (I was also making a really good salary.)

Enough! If athletic, corporate Portland has rejected me, there is no reason for me to even try to hide my age.

I couldn’t drag my body out of bed early enough for 40-minutes. 22-minutes it is! I had just enough time after to wash my face, get dressed in my “uniform” and write this post.

I wish I could work out too, but I cannot. I have to leave in 10 minutes.

Today, the #yoga was what I needed #ashtanga #primary

I took as much time as I wanted. It’s escape from the void. (On the plus side here, I seem to have lost my appetite. I snacked on nuts last night, but basically skipped dinner. Now it’s 12:25 and I’ve only had black coffee and water. I feel like I will never need to eat again, though of course I also know that’s silly.)



  • Suryas & fundamentals, with handstanding & added hanuman + LBH. Didn’t do the 4 discarded primary poses, the ones right before the marichyasanas.
  • Got it up 4 out of 5 navasana to handstand today, though I was really bad on the coming down. I can sometimes come down with some control. Can’t ever thread it all the way through. I only got that every once in awhile, the rare times I’d go for all 5, back in the day.
  • Time to setu bandhasana = 1:03:48

Back bending intervals

  • (15/40) Standing arches & three urdhva Ds @ the wall with rests
  • I’d upped the “working time” in the intervals here from 30 to 40 seconds. The 15-seconds is time to move into the pose, to prepare. It’s enough more of a challenge to feel like “doable work”, as opposed to torture. Lately, when I add asana onto HIIT, I’ve either been doing standing arches or the wrists-braced urdhva D at the wall (leverage, baby). But I noticed they work the bend in slightly different ways. Today I decided to skip the small bit of Second I practice badly & just do the therapeutic instead. I might film this small segment soon, because I think it might be slightly different, both pose roster and my body’s response to each part.
  • Time  = 16:30

Traditional back bending & finishing

  • Urdhva D to standing, only 3 drop backs, no ticks



At least I’m being proactive • 40-min #meditation

My morning routine is stabilized. I put on the coffee and feed Sir Henry, and then I internet-out while caffeinating. Today I was doing all kinds of searches… if I were able to get financial aid, what should I study? It’s gotta be something I’d love, but it’s also gotta be in a field that hires over 50s.

I didn’t major in graphic design. I’ve learned everything I need to know for my part in every industry I’ve ever worked off the cuff. Do people still say “off the cuff”? No matter. So on the one hand, while it might be a good idea to study design and design apps in a collegiate setting, the design industry is second only to tech in ageism, from what I’ve seen, read and heard.

Storyboarding was my first idea. I’d have gotten that gig with ShadowMachine if I’d known more WTF I was doing. I think this field is less ageist. However, the problem with this field of study, and the “getting out there & meeting people” that everyone recommends, is that there are no really great schools for it in Portland. I should be in Los Angeles of course. I remember looking at some online courses at Emerson, in Boston, before I left NYC. That’d be good if I were still in a city with a good income and many social circles. That is no longer the case.

I set up a profile for more information at Pacific Northwest College of Art, to have someone contact me, maybe have a chat. I could possibly go down there. It’s very close to my favorite art store, Blick. (Partly because it is & was the easiest to get to.)

Tangent! After the caffeination I sit. Then I pop in my eyeballs, write a little and start planning my day. I think it’s going to be a just yoga day, as far as exercise goes.

At least I got out of bed, moved & stretched my body a little

Sir Henry watches over my exercise routine.

I’d wanted to follow the HIIT with the same bits of my modified ashtanga as yesterday (the beginning & ending & some back bending, but none of the other series poses), but I didn’t have it in me. Too tired. I did easy, non vinyasa stretching instead.

I also did a no skipping HIIT with my weighted vest. I wasn’t in the mood to jump too much. It got my heart rate surprisingly high though.


Full Body 20 Minute HIIT: Legs, Cardio & Core 

  • (10/50) with 6lb vest
  • 2 rounds with 1-min rest in between
  1. Squat, 40lbs
  2. Split Squat-Right , 20lbs
  3. Other side
  4. Wide Leg Side Lunge-Right, 20lbs Feet stay in place, legs wide, butt reaching back
  5. Other side
  6. High Knees
  7. Russian Kicks
  8. Burpees
  9. Lunge Lift-Right Feet stay in place. Do a lunge & then lift front knee, replacing it down as smoothly as possible
  10. Other side
  11. Reverse Plank with alt leg lift
  12. Side Plank-Right Elevated top leg. Bring bottom knee in to touch elbow in a crunch.
  13. Other side
  14. Wall Sit / Pelvic Tilt
  15. High Knees
  16. Wall Sit Leg Lift Crunch Feet close together. Lift alt legs & do a small crunch
  17. Russian Kicks
  18. Burpees
  19. Curtsy Lunge-Right, 35lbs
  20. Other side

All you really need from yoga asana is #padmasana

40-min sit. I am trying… I had two public crying episodes yesterday though, both before work and after. When I was leaving Jake’s last night, the bartender I know was taking over his shift. I’d had empty seats on either side. I was reading and also on my phone, looking down, crying unobtrusively, a pile of crumpled bar napkins next to me. I had to look up when he asked me how I was doing. I’ve been better, was my response.

I’m down to four exercise sessions per week lately, as I’m unable to motivate myself to get out of bed early enough and hop to it on retail days, but I do still work out regularly. I started the daily sitting again. It’s a refuge, to avoid thinking and dwelling on “those thoughts”.

I started reading Reasons to Stay Alive, on the advice of my excellent and very caring Brit friend Sam. Ah yes! Of course I am depressed. I took a huge gamble when I left NYC. I should’ve started taking classes, expanding my skillset and looking for new work elsewhere the moment I was done with the India cycle. I didn’t do that. I’d been working steadily and lucratively, while freelance(!), through the worst of the bankster depression / recession. I guess I was over confident.

At the very least, when my NYC landlord was giving me a hard time in the Ladd apartment approval process, March 2015, I should’ve stopped right there. I should’ve said, OK, now’s not the time, and made them renew my lease again, which would’ve commenced the buyout process. I’d have had $20-50,000 extra dollars…

This is why I wanted to see a psychic. Will I ever be able to earn a living wage again? Pay my own rent somewhere, buy groceries, new clothes once in awhile, a vacation once in awhile? I can’t imagine it.

One of the key symptoms of depression is to see no hope. No future. Far from the tunnel having a light at the end of it, it seems like it is blocked at both ends, and you are inside it.

To other people it sometimes seems like nothing at all. You are walking around with your head on fire and no one can see the flames.


Had middle of the night insomnia again. I got up & fetched Henry from his favorite sleeping spot of late, the futon in my office. He stayed next to me until about 6:30am or so, when he got impatient for breakfast. I don’t have curtains and so the brightness wakes us both up.

I’m going to heat up some more coffee & see if there’s anything to apply to. A recruiter contacted me about Nike, which is funny. I’m going to say my rate is $48 hourly. Then I’m going to lay around reading until I decide it’s time to get some low key exercise. I will make the effort.

I still make the effort. It was hard to go into work yesterday… I didn’t have any makeup with me to try to hide the crying. But I went. I did my best.

40-min meditation #depression

I’m down to the 4-days per week workout schedule, this week and next. I used to be able to spring out of bed for a 2-hour routine before work. Then again, I also used to be able to earn nearly 6-figures for creative work. Things change.

My heart chakra is like a giant void that is nonetheless throbbing with pain. I may not be able to afford a therapist, but at least I’ve got the Holosync. I’ve got tons more tracks too, though no DVD player to convert them.