I’ve ALWAYS been a #renunciate by nature

Or as Greg, formerly known as Fucknut, once said to a friend while pointing at me, That one’s a Sadhu in training. He made a gesture like this

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and goes, She cares this much what people think. Him included!, As it later turned out. But I delete my digression. I’m no longer pissed about the ending.

I like to get really involved with things for awhile – passionate obsessions – and then (almost) totally abandon them: studies, artistic endeavors, NYC, ashtanga… I like to say I’m no longer this or that. I have a lot of practice in the fluidity of self identification, though I think sometimes I err too strongly in that direction…

Post meditation thoughts

Read a really long FB post by Matthew Sweeney this morning. I do regret I wasn’t ever able to participate in one of his month long intensives. He’s one of the few major, old school teachers I can ever read or watch without extreme eye roll. I was lucky enough to witness the end of his practice during my one and only, short month visit to Command Central. I ended up in the same spot in back of the room a few days in a row, starting my practice as M was finishing his, one or two rows behind me. Can’t remember which. I DO remember watching his tick tocks in awe while I was in my Suryas. I couldn’t fucking help it. He was right within driste.

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Out of my previous, extensive collection of yoga books, this is the single one I decided to keep. It’s really all I needed to take with me to the west coast. It’s the best reference tools there is on the vinyasa, as far as I’m concerned.

Some rare nostalgia

Back in the golden days when Christopher was teaching me 3rd series as fast as he could, and I got the first eleven poses my first day in, I’d be studying the vinyasa from this book in the evening. If I messed it up C would make me repeat! And I was still doing full 2nd for a bit, though I’m pretty sure he took off the seven headstands within a few days. He gave me all of the arm balances within the next three weeks, and then gave me the split he’d already worked out, before he left for an India trip. All of my friends got new split instructions too. He’d want talk to you seated on the floor, right before you were going to roll up your mat to go. He’d sit RIGHT in front of you & lock on the mind control stare while he told you what YOU WERE GOING TO BE DOING the next six weeks. Everyone’s split was completely unique and made sense per student. That was C!

My first 2nd/3rd split was a helluva intense practice! I’d do suryas and standing and second to Kapo. Then I’d skip to Karandavasana and after that straight into 3rd. That’s a steady crescendo right there. Boom-boom-boom all the way through the freaking arm balances.

Anyway, to wrap this up so I can get on with my day, I’ll say that while I’m definitely interested in working more yoga into my exercise, some legitimate practice rather than merely minimal closing stretches, I’m hugely wary of getting over attached again. I am proud of myself that I broke my addictive relationship with Ashtanga. The only way I could do it was to steadily extricate myself further and further from the scene of The Cult, of course. Happily I’m in no danger of temptation there because I’m couldn’t afford any involvement

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Author: Boodiba

Artist, Designer

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