[EDIT UPDATE] Today I’m just going to go with the SADs

This pre-solstice span of dim lighting and hill isolation is BRUTAL for me, on The Hill. I wasn’t here last December. I still had that humongous picture window to stare out of.

christmas-2015

I two big “blows” that month though, not getting an offer for a branding gig at Nike and also not being entry-level enough (while having the nerve to submit “great” test projects) for Creative Coop. That’s when I knew I wasn’t going to be renting another apartment here in the “Economy of a Turnip” Portland. My salvation will HAVE to be remote freelance and fine art. It has to be. There is no other way.

I’m still working at being a real artist, not as much as I should, but I’m plugging away, albeit sporadically, in between incapacitating bouts of sadness and anxiety. I am reunited with my easel!* I hate to admit it, but I realized doing the math I only had it for a year or two before NYC circumstances separated us. It’s a miracle I have it again, even if we still need to get wheels and there’s a hell of a lot I need to get in order to really use it. That thing could handle one of those enormous canvases, say if I was working 5×9-feet or more. But the larger the materials the more expensive. I’m still using some 300lb arches watercolor paper I got either in college or by my mid 20s at the latest. I think it was $10 a sheet back then. And oils are super expensive… Bla, bla, bla.

Easel.jpg

*I need to give credit not just to Cathy, who had to offer to intervene twice before I realized she was serious, but also to Charlie who suggested I ask for it. I’d told him about my old easel, I guess in wistful tones. I never thought to ask for it. I knew what that would mean, in terms of my mother and the inevitable freak out. Ooooh that’d be a SHIT-STORM, I said. But I went ahead an initiated anyway. Once he gave me the idea I couldn’t help myself. Save the easel!!!

It’s a monument to a lot of things in my life, youthful optimism and a belief in my own artistic talent, to name just two. I kicked some ass at RISD, even if I didn’t have a sophisticated background.

Henry’s flea induced skin problem isn’t doing ANYthing good for my mood

He was worrying the main area this morning, while I was still lying in bed, so I picked him up to examine it while my coffee was brewing and it’s really raw, red and angry looking. What do I do? Keep him in a cone 24/7? We’ll both be miserable. But when I did that overnight, after discovery, and covered the area with salve it was much less red the next day.

Decided to just spend all day holed up thinking, if I want

Celtic Cross 12.19.16-01.jpg

 

mary-el
10 Card – Outcome

So I’m in the 2016, Pacific Northwest version of the renunciate’s cave. I knew it. I’d never have come if I weren’t tricked*, so the universe made me believe I was coming here to live pretty much the same working, middle aged cat lady single existence (I’d been living before. I’d hoped to improve on the working situation, not to obliterate it!)

*This isn’t intended as blame on any individuals. A similar thing happened when my college BF and I were strongly considering moving to the NYC area and came down for a week in the summer, staying with his established Illustrator friend. We were at Scrap Bar when Axl Rose, at the very height of Guns and Roses fame, came in around 2am and sat at our table. When moving I was totally like, Oh ya, I’m totally making the right decision badgering my boyfriend into this. Rock stars sit with you & you get free beer!

The Hierophant says life is your teacher.  Every experience is a lesson – a learning opportunity for growth and the solid understanding that conflicts are openings for new life to take seed.  When you begin to feel oppressed by the “shoulds” and “oughts” of life – listen to your “inner” teacher.  Once all the facts have been gathered by your conscious mind, they are fed into your subconscious, which sorts, assimilates and sends back a flash of intuition – the correct analysis.  A simple good wish made for another puts divine power into action.  As your prayers rise towards God, they are transformed into benedictions which descend from above.  The search for “truth” is a prayer which is followed by illumination, consolation or grace and it always results in harmonious spiritual respiration.

Use your human situation in order to transcend your unevolved aspects.  Through intuition you become united with the Universe – you learn to hold the two opposing forces of life in balance – having recognized that you can not resolve them.  You “play the game” by understanding the rules and manners of the existing hierarchy and seeking out authorities in your field – making new allies by listening to your conscience.  Share this wisdom with others – you are a teacher.

In the tenth position: Listen to these guides of grace shedding new light in old corners.  You may view this as a new turn on an old truth or as a new pattern of truth speaking an entirely new language.  It will expand your awareness by giving you new friends to play and study with.  Pay more than usual attention to dreams, channeling, meditation, all inner resources, as well as the marvel of serendipity in everyday events.

I’m already playing pretty close attention to my dreams and daily, seated meditation.

Had a frustrated travel dream last night. If I could’ve knocked myself out at 7pm I’d have done so happily, relieved by oblivion. Instead I stayed up all night, obsessing about not having any good snacks and where I’d run away to if I could.

So in dreamland I’d flown to South Beach and met up with my friend Nako. We were supposed to rendezvous with Jane but difficulties ensued…

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Author: Boodiba

Artist, Designer

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