Gets up & has coffee & breakfast. Gets back into bed.

We had a really nice Eve, in spite of the fact that I’m so sick

I’d been really hoping to “extra enjoy” this time of just Charlie and I in the house, but I’m too damned snotty. Oh well. We had a nice Christmas Eve dinner though. Roasted a chicken again. We’re getting better at it! I’d discovered that Whole Foods has a fresh herb blend just for poultry and it made an amazing rub (along with olive oil, kosher salt & pressed garlic). We also discovered that it’s ok to add red wine to the cooking too, not just white like I’d thought, and we have one of those fat separator things now. The only thing is I wish we’d bought one that definitely says “dish washer safe”, as Mr. Man is extra persnickety about putting any plastic in the dish washer, and that plastic is the type that you’ve gotta wash it four fucking times to get the grease off. Therefore it’s his job! lol.

I usually help with all the clean-up but he offered to finish up last night & I was very grateful. I’d really worn myself out with that worked & even had to sit down while de-stemming all the herbs.

I got Ch a quality hat from Made Here on 10th Ave. Also some bitters and a little recipe book, and a couple caramels. Business is SO tough in this town, I figured I’d support some local artisans… I’m happy to say the hat really suits, but I’d gotten a gift receipt just in case. He’d gotten my presents early, a bunch of cold / wet weather stuff for when we get around to trying cross country skiing, which isn’t going to happen this week. We went to Next Adventure. There’s leggings, rain pants, a thick sweater, a layering capable waterproof jacket, extra warm gloves and a knit hat with ear flaps.

My mom sent me a box too! I called yesterday but I have to do it again today, as I’d been saving the opening for post dinner which would be too late as she’s on the East Coast in New Hampshire. She likes the ritual of discussing all the contents. She got me pajamas, an eye mask, panties & slippers from Victoria Secret. (Rocco immediately stole the slippers out of the box & got dog drool all over them! Silly dog.) There was also chocolates, facial SPF, melatonin and (this is funny) a calendar of New England places. During the conversation she asked if I “have” email. I paused. She was on speakerphone & Charlie was sitting next to me, both of us sipping wine. I’d told her I was blocking her in one of my last email responses during the insanity of the easel drama. I was forced to admit it again. I blocked you. To my surprise she answered cheerfully, You’re not the only one. One of her childhood friends from Maine blocked her over her support for Donald Dump.

At one point she said that Hillary should step in and make artists perform at his pathetic inauguration. Oh ya it’s Hillary’s fault he’s a pariah! Oooooooohhhhhhhkaaaaaaaay. That makes perfect sense. Luckily we dropped all political talk quick.

I’m going to try to work out again today, as the rest of the time I’m basically lying down. It’s not like NYC where I’m up and about all the time. My Post horoscope today said I’d meet a good friend in my travels over the next few days and I’m like, I’m leaving the house? It won’t be a Julia routine though! If it wouldn’t take too long, I’d figure out just how many push-ups I did yesterday, an insane amount. I looked at Day 5 and it’s full of burpees again. Nope! BodyRock is way more low key. I’ll pick out one of those.


That might’ve been a tab bit excessive #pyramid #reps #tabata

Especially considering I’m sick. Hopefully I won’t feel worse after I’ve “come down”. This was a massive burn for one workout, especially considering my size. You burn a higher rate the higher body mass you have. I’ve tried a few YouTube HIIT routines that call themselves 1,000 calorie burns, and most of the time I end at 500 something.

I’m definitely doing something low key tomorrow, maybe half easy HIIT and half yoga



Warmup: (10/30×6=4min) jump rope

DAY 4: 12 Days of Burning Muscles by Daniela

Part 1 Pyramid: The format is simple but pretty brutal because you do the same moves over and over again. You start with the first move for 1 rep. Then you do the second move for 2 reps and the first move for 1, then the third move for 3, the second for 2 and the first for 1 rep and so on up to move Nr. 12.

Julia’s Time =  4:55 to 47:35- like 43min. My time = 1hr, 43min lol. Oy. Killed me. No vest. I should count the # of push-ups in this pyramid. Boy was it a relief to finish.

1. manmaker 30
2. overhead surrenders 20
3. clean and press 40
4. decline burpee cross cross (punch) tuck jump
5. diamond pushups + plank frog hop
6. deadlift plank hop rev grip row 30 This move felt really awkward to me in the order it was written, but I previewed a couple days b4 doing this workout due to getting sick. Changed it to Row (palms facing legs)-Plank Hop-Deadlift Up on round 10
7. squat and press 40
8. step ups bi curls (4/leg) 30 / 20 Changed to alt legs the 2nd time through this move. Dropped to 20lbs for round 11, just because bicep curls hit a weak spot in my left arm & it complained today.
9. tricep pushup star jump burpee
10. traffic dir lunges (5/leg) 20 Front & lateral raise, front w/ the leg that’s going forward
11. box jump plank hop (half burpee)
12. switch foot mtn climbers to Arnold press 30 With 1 raised knee.

I was really fucking tempted to just skip this part!

Part 2: Tabata Pairs and Challenge moves
Pair 1:
1. Manmakers 30
2. OH surrenders 20
Challenge move: 15 clean and presses 30 I finally ordered a 2nd 20lb dumbbell, but I don’t have it yet & was tired of doubling up 10s in one hand for the day

Pair 2:
1. Decline burpee cross cross tuck jump
2. Diamond pushups and plank frog hop
Challenge move: 15 deadlift plank hops 30

Pair 3:
1. Squat and press 30
2. Step up bi curls 20
Challenge move: 15 tricep pushup star jump burpees

Pair 4:
1. Traffic dir lunges 20
2. Box jump plank hop
Challenge move: 15 switch foot mtn climbers Arnold presses 20

(Time about 1:53)


About 10min

Woke up with a start from my drug-induced nap

And half the day’s over. Excellent! And it only took 1 tablet

I guess I don’t have mono but that weird, nervous churning feeling in my upper abdomen, spleen area, reminds me of my bout, long ago. It was the first day of eighth grade. My sister and I both got ready in same bathroom, each perched on one side of the counter. I was applying my blue sparkly eye shadow (I’m that old), when I sort of crumpled, slid to the floor and passed out. You could call that sudden onset! My sister accused me of always being “so dramatic”. My dad had to come in and pick me up off the floor and deposit me on my bed. There was a moment I scared the fuck out of everyone by being unable to respond. Soon after I had the worst sore throat you could imagine, like strep at mach 10. I needed help getting from the car into the doctor’s office later as well, but by then I could speak.

It was a rager of a case & I missed a full month of school. My throat felt like that last night. It’s hard to get any liquids down when it’s that painful to swallow.

Maybe I’ll have to go back to vegetarian again and see if that helps my immune system as much as it did in my late 30s. I still think vegan is the only ethical way, but it’s just too damn hard when you’re this isolated and poor. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head and food to eat. When I’m buying my own groceries again then I can be pickier.

Start 2: #Hermetics, practical exercises have begun #witch #yogi #artist


Fruity is the opposite of fruitless

I’ve read up through the first chapter of practical exercises. I have a background in yoga, self reflection via journaling and formal, seated meditation. Therefore I am doing each exercise the two weeks recommended for the somewhat experienced. Exercise 1 will take me to Christmas! That’s funny.

I finished that chapter around mid November but I was waiting to get my servitor going before starting another thing in addition to everything else. There’s the daily, seated meditation. I also had to practice a banishing ritual a bunch of times, among other things. One can only spend so much time per day engaged in such fruity endeavors.

FullSizeRender 4.jpg

There are 10 exercises in Step 1, so that’s 20 weeks, assuming I’m 100% committed and don’t drop the ball at any point. [Totally dropped the ball! I made it 2.5 days only. I knew the night time exercises would be the problem. That doesn’t go along with the Portland slacker lifestyle, anything involving thought & discipline in the evening. Nevertheless I will try again.]

1. Magical Schooling of the Spirit

  1. Thought Control Observance

    • Bardon calls it “control”, but it’s really just observing. You start with 5min twice a day, adding 1min to each session until you’re at 10min twice. Whatever position you choose your spine should be straight. Since I practice a formal meditation I lie down for this one. You’re supposed to observe your thoughts and see what you can remember after. That’s it. The thing with me is I’m already pretty good at returning the thoughts to my chosen, internal driste when I’m practicing, paying attention. I’ve quickly figured out with this exercise that I can limit my note taking or struggling to remember by limiting my verbal thoughts.
    • Day 1, 1-1-1

      My left foot was numb. That was the foot that was on top in padmasana. It always falls asleep. Whatever foot’s on top. Because of the weight of the other foot pressing on the inner thigh. It happens after about 20 minutes. This exercise followed my 30 minutes seated meditation. Sick! Kept wanting to open my eyes & fidgeted a lot. Was thinking about putting my contacts in & doing a face mask. Can I exercise today? I’ll have to see.

    • Day 1, 1-1-2
      Toenail clippings are better than fingernail clippings for magic. My cat, Henry, who is near me. Thinking about that movie jungle book the orange flower, which is fire. Feeling sick.

    • Day 2, 1-1-3

      Six minutes is a long time. I have to pee. Thinking about the glob of mucus I coughed up this morning. It was disgusting. “Return to sender”. If the transfer of this illness was it all intentional, I want to send it back threefold. Crows. I need to try to exercise later.

    • Day 2, 1-1-4
      My mind is very still. Listening. Listening to Henry he’s grooming. Chicken. I thought about the chicken he demanded last night it was fun. My pimple. Yes I thought of that too. That’s really about it for six minutes
    • Day 3, 1-1-5
      Sick. My throat hurts. My head hurts. Alcohol and colds. I have organized and lying in bed. Thought about trying to get Charlie to do the stupid exercise with me. Now we’re not doing anything special for the holiday, but that I guess that’s OK since I’m sick. Disgusting.
    • Day 3, 1-1-6
      I’m in to the congestion phase of my cold. I’m having trouble breathing through my nose. I’ll have to try to sleep propped up on two pillows tonight. Henry kept interrupting exercise, wanting to play. The sea bout the chicken dinner we made tonight. That’s pretty much it.
    • Day 4, 1-1-7 (8 min now)

      Mouth breathing. I just blown my nose. I still need to meditate today. I need to light the reversal candle. Imagining my skeleton, my head and muscles, and the congestion in my neck and around my ears. Thinking about bodyrock. I do want to exercise today. The rest of the time I’m basically lying here motionless.

    • Day 4, 1-1-8

      Rehearsal time! I’m losing my voice now. I just noticed. Anyway wasn’t even to this at all. Eight minutes seems like a long time night, when you’re really sick. But I went upstairs and came up here at 7:30 PM and I’m still awake. And I had practically a whole syringe of Candace will tonight. This was after A bottle of excellent red wine with Charlie over leftovers. We had a nice meal today, but I was really too sick to enjoy myself at any point. Yesterday was a better day. But I made myself sick or by working out, or we just gonna happen anyway. I didn’t meditate today! Oh well. I just got off Twitter again. I have been trying to go to sleep and then they started wanting to write a work out for myself. I need to do mostly (yoga) but when I want to do a short specific kit, it seems like you all the best thing to do is write my own. This is in the yoga I know exactly what I’m after, areas of what to avoid working…

    • Day 5, 1-1-9
      I’ll just type in here directly, as I’ve got no voice at all to use for the voice memo, like I’d been doing. Was reflecting on how losing my voice – a blocked Vishuddi chakra – is SO SYMBOLIC. I’d purposely created a servitor with two prominent, visible chakras, the ajna & vishuddi. But now, right, I’ve got “no voice in the world”. I sat before hand, with what remains of my first reversal candle burning in front of me. I tried directing all of the sadness, depression and anger I’ve felt over the past two years into it. All of the emotional effects of my disenfranchisement also need to return to sender. I didn’t do an uncrossing before I created my servitor… Maybe this is why she has not been as effective as  hoped, yet. I’d missed more days of seated meditation. Today I was able to mostly hold my seat, but I did have a couple coughing jags. One was so violent I almost threw up on my lap. Wouldn’t have been much there. So far today I’ve only had black coffee, herbal tea and one caramel.
    • Day 5, 1-1-10
      Smashed the mirror for my first reversal spell tonight. It felt good. My hammer… it’s one I stole from my dad to take to art school and I’ve had it since. Reminds me of the hammer in The Earth Abides, a classic dystopian tale given to me by my dad. Had some beer & even some tequila too. Because fuck it.
    • Day 6, 1-1-11
      This was supposed to be 10min but I did 9 by mistake. I’d actually missed a full day in the heat of the illness, but I’ve accepted the fact I’m not going to do this stuff “by the book”, even if I’m following a book.

      DREAMS: was on the beach with Henry. It was kind of cool for the beach, but I thought he was getting too hot (at one point I let him off the leash & he almost got away). Took him to a shady area and suddenly we’re inside! In a version of that square, many-roomed, sometimes haunted apartment dreamland likes to take me to. It’s probably based on the place in Brooklyn that I shared with Ernie. Then I’m back on the beach & Jocelyn is there & I’m telling her enthusiastically she should visit while I’m still (able) to live there, while aware I’m over stepping in familiarity levels just a bit. She’s in LA in real life now. She left Portland shortly I’d arrived after living here 8 or 9 years & was never “we should get together”.

      Another one I’m practicing 3rd with Laura, and I’m moving really slowly, not even trying to keep up since I never practice that series anymore. For some reason I’m totally blowing smoke up her ass with flattery. “Oh you’re so FAST! How do go DO it?” Etc.

      Something about a Donald Dump Siri…

    • Day 6, 1-1-12

      I forgot to do my formal, seated meditation again… actually annoyance got in the way. I feel like I haven’t had a good meal since Saturday, was promised lunch, got a nonchalant nothing & had scavenged eggs & a workout (thank gods) instead. Anyway every time I remember this exercise I don’t wanna do it but what ELSE have I got going on? I haven’t been creative in over a week & I couldn’t interest myself in watching any shows tonight.

      Thinking about killing my servitor. I can’t feel any real gratitude these days. I knuckled down slightly after her “birth” but that was more a placebo effect. There have been no gigs…

      Creative Circle called about something I’d applied to right b4 Xmas & I just watched the phone ring as I had no voice. Emailed back. I never get excited about those anymore tho cause a placement has yet to happen.

      Think I’ll tranq up (getting to be a bad habit but this COUGH) and go to sleep.

    • Day 7, 1-1-13
      Up to 10min sessions now, and C seems to know when I’m doing it. He comes in! Add to that I can’t do the voice memo thing b/c it’d strain my voice too hard, trying to speak loud enough for the phone. So…DREAMS: The kids (source of this horrible, horrible cold) were home & I had the unpleasant “surprise in the kitchen”. I’d read some book on art theory / criticism and Cy and I had had a conversation about it before they left. In real life this wouldn’t happen! Apparently I’d asked her for some opinions on xyz, and in a challenging tone she followed up. She wanted to know if I thought she’d be a good art critic or philosopher. Too funny. This is another thing that’d never happen.I told them I’d been thinking to get a masters at RISD.

      In another segment, I was at this agency thing, run by a guy similar to Christian Slater’s character in Mr. Robot. I was supposed to come up with $80,000 to have them “redo” me, get a packaged portfolio out of me.

      Dream self – if no one ever wants to even MEET you, how are you going to show off an $80,000 portfolio? Silly.

    • Day 7, 1-1-14
      Missed this one.
    • Day 8, 1-1-15
      Decided to just do what I remembered from my dreams and seated, 30min meditation here. I wish you could embed .m4a files directly in wordpress, but you cannot. Link.
    • Day 9, 1-1-16
      I’m inconsistent with this exercise but I’ve finally accepted that’s the way it’s going to be. I already do a 30min formal meditation in addition. Also I read ahead just a bit and I’m really working on trying to “positive-ify” my thoughts before going to sleep, as well as repeating the banishing ritual. Recollections from last night’s main dreamLink.
    • Day 10, 1-1-17
      Did today’s “recollection” after my 30min sit, and I’ve decided I’m going to move on to exercise 2. I should’ve done this one twice a day for two weeks, making 28 entries, but this is the 2nd pass & I’d rather move on. It’s not like I’m getting graded on this.

Woke up with another cold

Last one was early October. My immune system has gotten weak again! No surprise. Social isolation and sadness generally isn’t good for immunity. Also I’m eating animals again and not in a very healthy balance. There’s been a lot of bread and cheese…

When I first went merely vegetarian I ate way too much dairy but my immunity bumped itself up triple fold. I went from having a cold every 2-3 months to maybe 1 per year. I was constantly amazed at the difference. It was easy to get a constant mix of vegetables living and working in NYC though. There are all those delis around! Le sigh.

I also haven’t been good about taking vitamins. It’s my lack of schedule. In NYC I kept a set of all my supplements on my work desk, and since I had an actual professional job (the type which do not seem to exist in PDX) I was always looking for ways to use up my desk time. When you’re not at work, taking the time to open up five different jars or so and swallow all those different things seems like a pain in the ass. When you’re in your cubicle it’s a different story, lol.

Maybe the most important supplement I used to take was an organic turmeric blend. That shit is a wonder drug. I’d take 1 per day normally, but when coworkers were sick and/or I could feel my system working to protect itself, I’d take up to 4.

I’m still hoping to work out later but I’ll have to see. I was also thinking to go downtown to Blick maybe. I need some softer pencil leads.

Anxiety levels are high today #Christmas #crazies

I guess I am not immune! My seated meditation didn’t relieve it either. But at least I did a little drawing and got my “don’t blow yer brains out” workout in.

I’ve gotta get to work on a reversal spell already. I’ve got most of the tools already, but I have to go back & select / fine tune a specific ritual.


Warm-up: (10/30)x6=4min Accidentally did 7x b/c forgot to start my monitor b4 the first interval

Day 3: Burpee Around the Christmas Tree

No vest for any of this. It gets my shoulders too tight to do a push-up focused routine with the vest. It’s way better (for me) for lower body with some upper body sets.

PART 1: x min

Tabata pairs 20:10 8x, 4 mins per pair + reps 

Set 1:
1. Plank jack + shoulder tap (2) to plank tuck jump
2. Wide curl Arnold press 30

10 burpee squat hold bi curl 30 curl in low squat, stand, then squat down & release curl again

Set 2:
1. Lateral step up to curtsy lunge 30 (switch legs after 2 rounds)
2. Single weight front raise. Turn to 1 side lunge & lift weight to overhead raise, alt sides 10 first 2 rounds was too light. 15lbs a little heavy. Also very hard to pivot feet on carpeting.

10 decline spider push-up (1) burpee air lunge jump like a super high switch lunge jump

Set 3:
1. Step up to rev lunge (switch legs after 2 rounds) 30 same foot that steps on the bench lunges back
2. Close bent row to upright row 30

10 twisted burpee (twisted mtn climber bottom, twisted switch Lunge at top) no push-up

Set 4:
1. Crab toe touch to side plank toe tap Roll onto side of foot you lift to touch (leg lift, tap front, back & set back down for crab (switch sides after 2 rounds)
2. Y presses, single-single-dbl 26

10 alt oblique burpee t stand dip alt sides

Set 5:
1. SL Mat hop + commando (switch legs second round) hop to each side & do a plank walk
2. Tricep kickbacks, single-single-dbl 26 Have been plateaued at 10lbs each arm here for awhile, bc I thought it’d be too clumsy hanging onto an additional 3lb weight w/ thumbs. I did it today! Made a difference.

10 SL tricep burpee hitch kick I really like this burpee variation!

(Time to this point 45:00)


No rest Tabata 20:10 8x 4 mins per paired move = 13min
30 sec rest in between rounds

1. Shalabhasana burpee: shoulder taps
2. Dive bomber burpee 2 star jumps: plank jacks
3. Bulgarian DL to SL pushup: Box jumps


Daniela’s Cardio AMRAP 8 minutes 8 reps each. 2 full rounds, a few seconds over to finish the last round, despite the fact that I forgot to omit the push-ups for move 3!
Wore my weighted vest for this set as it’s mostly lower body
1. Squat jump / heel click
2. Tornado switch lunges Front leg crosses in front of the back
3. Cannonball burpee Tuck jump in plank & at the top, no push-up
4. Star jumps
5. Froggy pushup plank tuck jump

Mini Pyramid Burnout upper body:
10 wide bi curl to Arnold presses 30
8 front raise to twist and OH raise 15 Each time u come to the center = 1 rep
6 close row to upright rows 30
4 Y presses SSD 26
2 tricep kickbacks SSD 30

Mini Pyramid Burnout Booty:
10 reps – 4 plank jack shoulder taps & plank tuck jump Balls of feet sore here – ill fitting, cheap sneakers bah.
8 lat step ups to curtsy/leg 30 Same leg curtsies as steps up
6 step up rev lunge/leg 30 Same leg lunges as steps up
4 crab toe touches to side plank toe taps/side
2 SL mat hops +commando

(Total time 1:23)

Henry health update, #restday


I haven’t found any more fleas since the one I nabbed two days ago. The scabs that run half the length of his back have progressed from raw, wet wounds to darker and dryer. I suppose that’s good. I nearly put the cone of shame back on him yesterday.

I did order some diatomaceous earth to have on hand for the next time (because you know there will be one, if he’s getting fleas while staying mostly inside in freaking December), but though Amazon tracking says it was dropped off yesterday evening, it was nowhere to be found this morning. We live at the end of a long, windy, uphill and dead-end drive, so packages disappearing isn’t generally a problem. An Amazon query says you need to wait 36 hours before they’ll do anything about it, as sometimes packages are marked as delivered preemptively. Interesting! I’ll have to look up some more information on it before testing it out on future flea problems. You’re supposed to avoid their eyes and nose, which makes sense, but I’m not sure about any open wounds.

The weak area in my left tricep has been squawking a little bit & I haven’t taken a rest day yet this week  so I’m going to go ahead and take one today. I’m not going downtown to work tomorrow. Otherwise I’d wait until then.

Finally got all the information I needed to call the IRS, verify my identity and get my 2015 refund into final processing stage! It was one mix-up after another, but I know for certain I’d given my new address to my NYC accountant when we spoke over the summer. I remember him saying he’d put a note in my account, but of course I had no paper trail. That was the mistake that started the whole cluster fuck. I dropped the ball too but I wouldn’t have if I’d gotten my mail.

The follow-up has been pretty lack luster, and he raised his fee by $15 over the prior year too. I guess it’s pretty obvious from my (near total lack of) earnings last year that I’m not going to continue to be a client. That explains it. I’ll do my own next year. Fuck it. It’s not like I don’t have the time.