Around me burns the pentagrams and within me burns the six-rayed star.


Thank gods for seated meditation anyway. My seat was strong today. I’m getting used to practicing khechari mudra, in my padmasana, along with the jnana mudra when kitty allows. Sir Henry was still napping during this morning’s session and I had the added “assist” of something I wanted to avoid thinking about. Therefore the mind will try to think about it, and a defensive block can be good if you’re after stillness. I went very deep at some points.

Right after meditation I practiced the banishing ritual for the 2nd time. I’d been playing around with seeing what I remembered, last night. It was a lot! I’d made this cheat sheet yesterday

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I’ll have it completely memorized soon for sure.

I’ve ALWAYS been a #renunciate by nature

Or as Greg, formerly known as Fucknut, once said to a friend while pointing at me, That one’s a Sadhu in training. He made a gesture like this

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and goes, She cares this much what people think. Him included!, As it later turned out. But I delete my digression. I’m no longer pissed about the ending.

I like to get really involved with things for awhile – passionate obsessions – and then (almost) totally abandon them: studies, artistic endeavors, NYC, ashtanga… I like to say I’m no longer this or that. I have a lot of practice in the fluidity of self identification, though I think sometimes I err too strongly in that direction…

Post meditation thoughts

Read a really long FB post by Matthew Sweeney this morning. I do regret I wasn’t ever able to participate in one of his month long intensives. He’s one of the few major, old school teachers I can ever read or watch without extreme eye roll. I was lucky enough to witness the end of his practice during my one and only, short month visit to Command Central. I ended up in the same spot in back of the room a few days in a row, starting my practice as M was finishing his, one or two rows behind me. Can’t remember which. I DO remember watching his tick tocks in awe while I was in my Suryas. I couldn’t fucking help it. He was right within driste.


Out of my previous, extensive collection of yoga books, this is the single one I decided to keep. It’s really all I needed to take with me to the west coast. It’s the best reference tools there is on the vinyasa, as far as I’m concerned.

Some rare nostalgia

Back in the golden days when Christopher was teaching me 3rd series as fast as he could, and I got the first eleven poses my first day in, I’d be studying the vinyasa from this book in the evening. If I messed it up C would make me repeat! And I was still doing full 2nd for a bit, though I’m pretty sure he took off the seven headstands within a few days. He gave me all of the arm balances within the next three weeks, and then gave me the split he’d already worked out, before he left for an India trip. All of my friends got new split instructions too. He’d want talk to you seated on the floor, right before you were going to roll up your mat to go. He’d sit RIGHT in front of you & lock on the mind control stare while he told you what YOU WERE GOING TO BE DOING the next six weeks. Everyone’s split was completely unique and made sense per student. That was C!

My first 2nd/3rd split was a helluva intense practice! I’d do suryas and standing and second to Kapo. Then I’d skip to Karandavasana and after that straight into 3rd. That’s a steady crescendo right there. Boom-boom-boom all the way through the freaking arm balances.

Anyway, to wrap this up so I can get on with my day, I’ll say that while I’m definitely interested in working more yoga into my exercise, some legitimate practice rather than merely minimal closing stretches, I’m hugely wary of getting over attached again. I am proud of myself that I broke my addictive relationship with Ashtanga. The only way I could do it was to steadily extricate myself further and further from the scene of The Cult, of course. Happily I’m in no danger of temptation there because I’m couldn’t afford any involvement

#HIIT #AMRAP (3min intervals on my!) and #yoga

Started to preview this one & then just did it along w/ the video, with several additional pauses to take my notes (& also for more recovery) along the way. I’d gotten sidetracked in a carpet design I’m working on & therefore didn’t have time for both a length preview and the execution. My output wasn’t overly high but I was low energy. No vest for the HIIT and then I only wore it at the beginning of the AMRAP. Three minute sets were killer! It’s great to challenge your body in different ways though.

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  • Body Transformation Builder by Kristin R
  • (10/50) x1 (18 min)
    13” elv Finally checked to see how high my elevation is. It’s one of Charlie’s work benches. I do have a higher elevation for some things (not jumping! I’m not a great jumper & wouldn’t trust my ability to clear it) but it’s downstairs so won’t be using it for awhile.
  1. Box Squats + Press 40lbs, touching butt to bench on the squat
  2. Oblique Side Bend + Opposite arm Hammer Curl 30lbs Standing. Bend to the side & touch weight to foot. Return to standing & hammer curl opp arm. Alt.
  3. Deadlift plank hops 40lbs
  4. Y-Press + Lat Leg Raise (Single/opp leg raise, Single/opp leg raise, Double Y) 20lbs
  5. Tricep Pushup x 2 to Down Dog Toe Touches x 2 (opp hand to opp foot)
  6. Renegade Rows in Plank with knee in (turn out at top of row w/ knee in) 20lbs
  7. Angry Donkey + Squat Jacks x3
  8. Ninja Tuck + Switch Lunge Toe Touch x2
  9. Sumo stomps (4 low) + same Side Knee Crunch x2
  10. Alt Front Lunge + Bi Curl + Warrior 3 (press up on SL into Glute Raise) 2 5lbs If I do this routine again I think I’ll change this move to be just an alt warrior 3 with front raise.
  11. OH Press + Tricep Ext with Alt Reverse Lunge 2, 10lbs
  12. RDL to Fly/curl in + Goodmorning 2, 10lbs
  13. Strict Mountain Climbers x 4 + Crossbody Mtn Climber x4
  14. Around the World Arms in ISO Squat w Alt Stepback ½ lunge2, 10lbs
  15. T-Press Up, Dip x2 to Plank tap out x 2 to opposite side T-Dip x2, repeat 10lbs
  16. Increasing Squat Jumps 3 + Jumping jacks x4
  17. Opposite Hand to Foot (Plie & Lateral Raise + hand to opp foot) 2, 10lbs
  18. Negative Pushups & Knee Drives 4 count down to floor + Press up knee drives x2



(AMRAP Pyramid: 3Min/2Min/1min) (30 min)

1. Sumo Squat + Lateral Leg Raise & SA Hammer Curl, 2, 15lbs This was HEAVY for 3min! Switched to 13lbs for the 2min round & back to 15lbs for the 1min round
2. Alt Lateral Lunge touchdown + SA Fly(bring 1 weight to foot & other arm does SA Fly) 2, 8lbs for 3min & 2min rounds, 10lbs for the 1min round
3. Bent over Row, Squat, Deadlift, 15lbs Made it to here w/ my 8lb vest on & took it off when I heard “Manmaker”. Also hit pause to make this note & take a break
4. Manmakers 2, 15lb weights Paused here too on 2min round. Now I knew what was coming! Two minutes of plank.
5. Bear Crawl Plank Hop x2 / Oblique Plank Hops x2 / Cross Crunch x2



About 25min. I did the marichys, with eka pada sirsa in the middle of ’em, no vinyasa. Felt good.

2 rounds #HIIT & #ashtanga #yoga

And the big news is, the exercise room has a pull-up / chin-up station now! I haven’t been able to work on pull-ups since the one that ex East Village punk boyfriend “Fluffy” installed for me (23 years ago) finally broke. It dropped me on my ass during a set of chin-ups the month before I moved away from NYC. Both the wall & the rubber stopper it was attached too were crumbling apart.

I did have access to a lat machine at The Hotel but it wasn’t quite the same & I didn’t work out there regularly. I did use the gym a lot when it was hot, to take advantage of the free AC, wistful sigh. It’s actually not too bad downstairs, though if I had my druthers it’d be a bit cooler. And upstairs will be hot. I have to sit on a towel when I work in my office these days. I’ve got a cheap, plastic chair… Today I maybe should rig up the vent for the freestanding AC we got.




Personalized Bootcamp Day 15


Set/day 1

  • Burpee lunge
  1. Push-up & touch hand to opp foot, both sides, come up & tuck jump.
  2. Squat & jump 15lbs, single weight. Jumping jack feet. When feet jump in, push weight up.
  3. Suitcase crunch with bike knee, 15lbs. On bench, holding weight with both hands.
  4. Tricep supergirl push-ups
  5. Clean & press 40lbs
  6. Pull-ups, with strap assist Note to self: don’t put this move in last when you haven’t had an opportunity to work on pull-ups in a year and a half!

Set/day 2

  • Skipping 
  1. Chin-ups
  2. Elevated spider & kick thru, alt
  3. ½ burpee, upright row 30lbs
  4. Squat wide to narrow, alt sides stepping out 40lbs
  5. Side push-up, knee & tuck-jump
  6. Straight Abs

Overtime Day 15

  1. Pull-ups
  2. Flys & press, on bench. Legs come down on the fly & back up to perpendicular where they stay for the press, 30lbs
  3. Chest press, both arms & then singles, 30lbs
  4. Front raises, palms up & arms slightly bent, 20lbs
  5. Driving push-ups: tricep push-up & then push back to a sort of down dog crouch Redundant with yoga. Do chin-ups again next time.
  6. X Fly on bench, 10lbs in each hand. Make and X shape with the body. When legs come in, hands cover over the chest to cross, alt which is on top

#meditation and #tarot

Today’s reading was spot on. I sat after. That’s a good Order of Things. Now to get ready for some art!

Amazingly while it was 57 and completely overcast when we got up this morning, it’s now sunny & will eventually get to the mid 80s in the late afternoon and early evening. That’s one big difference between the coasts! On the east coast, the hottest part of the day is always mid afternoon and that’s it. Not so, in summertime Portland. It’s best for me to get my creative work done, in my perch office upstairs, before it gets too hot. I get the sun at that time of day.

My Significator is on the cover of the book for the Wildwood deck.
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Bow layout

Today I’ll have my 1st interview as an “out” #gray person

No exercise before hand, as planned, because I’d stayed up late watching the silly but highly enjoyable Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and I have a cat, a demanding cat. Naughty little ankle-biter is sleeping on the futon next to me right now.

Instead of working out I was researching, trying to find an interesting but text heavy resume template, preferably in InDesign. I downloaded some stuff but I need to keep thinking about it. Also need to watch a tutorial on it, via Creative Cloud website.

I’ve been using this proletariat resume in Text Edit since I over paid for that mostly useless do-over a couple months into PDX. It’s gotta be scannable bla, bla. I was willing to listen, but now I want to make it pretty again, especially if I’m going to be presenting it with an inside track on a great job. It’s likely a real person will actually read it.

This was after printing my utilitarian & not snazzy at all current version to bring to today’s meeting. It’s more of a design coordination job and seems to be a start-up situation. I’ll know more after the chat.

So I’ll either exercise later or not at all. I’m fine with having a 4-day week. I might want to just work and study and download when I get back. I might want to stop at Blick on the return trip too, and in that case it’ll take over 2 hours. (Appointment is in the NE but close-in.)

II The High Priestess, King of Wands, XVI The Tower #tarot #meditation

In honor of my reading below, especially the first card of withdrawal & intuition, I did a 22-minute seated meditation immediately following.

  • I’m really good at detachment.
  • I am so light on the planet: these days I do not even possess a lease or keys, never mind the fact I’ve never owned any property, ever, or a car. My carbon footprint is miniscule. I have not contributed to the human overpopulation problem. I’m holding steady at a good, 95% vegan. I don’t even fly anymore! Cannot afford to. Light, light, light.
  • As I sat I projected backwards, to The Hovel in NYC, my home base for 22 years. I don’t want to be back there, no, but I imagined my present self sending a message backward. I think I’d gotten it at one point, I got the feeling of it, the tone.
  • The human personality through time as a connected tube, not moving in one direction, aka The Time Traveler’s Wife, the book, not the movie.

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Card 1, within: II The High Priestess

She hasn’t appeared before! (In 2016 since I started daily readings with this deck anyway).

The High Priestess is the counterpart of The Magician, yin to his yang.

Introduction: The High Priestess is a very spiritual card – often with sexual overtones. It can mean that the querent is in a phase where he or she is going to be much more physically attractive to others. She is tied to the moon, to femininity, and to inspiration.

General: This is a time to rely on your intuition and your inner knowledge, rather than your conscious mind or intellect. Pay attention to your dreams. Synchronicities are likely now.

The ability to remain passive is power – it gives your mind a chance to work, to reflect on what past actions have taught you and to awaken the things inside – it allows you to remember.  The transformation from one who “dares” – to one who KNOWS takes place in four stages.

  • The first stage is a time of pure reflection when the repetition of an experience is imagined.
  • The second stage enters this reflection into your memory.
  • In the third stage, this memory is assimilated into thought and feeling – it becomes a “message” or an “inner word”.
  • The fourth stage is reached when this “inner word or message” becomes a verbal “symbol or writing”.

Only through withdrawal from outer involvement is the unconscious allowed to emerge and the inner voice of vision allowed to speak.  Wisdom can not be expressed in rational terms, for they limit, narrow and falsify it.  Wisdom lies hidden safely beneath the smooth surface of your conscious mind and only by stirring up your dreams and visions, can wisdom return to the light of the conscious mind and intuitive understanding be conveyed.

Card 2, without: King of Wands

Last seen on June 3rd in the same position & on May 25th in the 1st position.

Master of your own energy, soul, spirituality, creativity, life force, passions through knowledge and experience. Justice, righteousness, illumination of what was previously dark, misdeeds and bad intentions.

The King of Wands is an indication that you are someone who is very visionary and goal-oriented. You achieve a lot because you are very clear about your future direction and how you will get there. You do not waste your time on activities or relationships that you believe will lead no-where. You never just go with the flow, instead you prefer to embark on a strong and direct course of action.

The King of Wands reminds you to lead your life with intent, vision and a long-term view. Know that even though you are experiencing challenges now this is just a part of your journey to something much more positive. Eventually, you will see this time as just a little blip on the radar and it will have simply served to make you stronger. Stay focused on your long-term goals.

The King of Wands in the present position indicates that any project you are working on is an inspired choice and will take you far.

King of Wands

In the second position: You have someone – a family, a partner, an angel – that you can fall back on.  And this shoulder is one who can show you the greater scope in which your difficulties are resolved as lessons learned.  With him by your side no problem will be too great to handle.


Card 3, advice: XVI The Tower

Last seen on June 11th in the 2nd position.

This card is the Tarot’s way of acknowledging that the rapid transformation occurring in your world is due to forces beyond your control. Be it a stirring of Mother Nature or the impact of someone else’s economic decisions on your life, understand that these are circumstances with which you had little if any influence over.

In the third position: Spiritual awakening.  Listen closely to your inner voice.  This reading itself is a profound part of your revelation.

The chaos unleashed by The Tower in this position usually affects one area of your life, but the affects are thorough. You may lose a job, but your love relationship will grow stronger as a result. You might get dumped, but you will get an easier work schedule that boosts your pay. Juxtapositions of absence/abundance are inevitable.

When this card is in the future position, there are no surprises to the coming chaos. You can already see the writing on the wall and the decimation of some structure in your world takes place quickly and totally. When this card appears in this position, the future is days, perhaps hours away. It is not the future of next month that the reading presents.

The liberation of divine light through the phallus that is the tower. Kundalini.

Questions to Answer:

  • How are you improving and restructuring yourself and your environment?
  • What are you angry about?
  • What structures in your life are breaking up?

Keywords: Initiation, liberation, power, dominion, destruction of illusions and conventions, dissolution of individuality. Freedom from unnecessary things which are no longer part of your reality.