I burned like a MOTHERFUCKER today, #RISD memories

No one is exempt from the arms of evil.

I’m glad I buried the caldron of my second reversal spell yesterday. It’s all snowy on the ground, and it belongs with last year, the past. I feel both smug and protected. Look OUT because Linda’s got her back up. I didn’t die in a battle in 1064 for nothing. I’ve got my sword out & if I think you deserve it I’ll cut your fucking head off.

You don’t want to be on my bad side

I remember running into a professor I’d had freshman year at RISD a couple years after our studio class, on the hills of Providence. He’d been a tough one to win over, and had once sneeringly said I should check out the 19th Century French Academics, because my style was (condescending tones) “so illustrative. He actually did me a favor. I love that school of painting!

When we had our mid semester review I told him what my goals for it were. I might’ve said something along the lines of, “You’ll see,” or “I’m going to get that A”. There were generally only one or two of them available per 30 student foundation class.

A little while later we were in the midst of a two model session and there was a guest artist who’d come to observe and lecture. Studios were 6 or 7 hours long, which is a marathon of a meditative endurance test, but there was a lunch break in the middle. I was having a good day & smoked a joint in my dorm room over break. When I got back I was aware I was generating interest, and I could sometimes be a bit of a ham, drawing in a sort-of dramatic pose while pretending I wasn’t. I felt my professor and the guest stop behind me. They started talking. She was clearly won over and immediately he followed suit. You pussy, I thought, but I knew I’d done my job. At the end of my semester I got my A and a somewhat bemused admission. I didn’t think you could do it, he said, but you did.

After freshman year I discovered I could throw my 92-pounds (at the time) with impunity. Speak up! Fight for what you want. If you don’t get it immediately, lock into the long term torture. You’ll get it. When we bumped into each other later we had a friendly chat and then he regarded me for a moment appraisingly. I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side.

I think this is the 1st time I used the yoga as a warm-up for the workout.

Not like it’s my intention to aim for higher and higher, more over-the-fucking-top burns, I’m just finally feeling better and I think my body was predisposed to burn extra high after the enforced rest. My heart rate was high all through the astanga warm-up.


Warm-up: Suryas & fundamentals, my style of astanga. Time=27:35

This is from DAY 7: Jump for Joy by Daniela, Kristin, and Julia

Combo Moves Pyramid: Do each move for 1 rep, then each part of that move for 2 reps and so on until you reach 8 reps. Each part of each move has 36 reps.

Time = 12:59-2:11, 71min

1. DL + Rev Lunge (both sides) + squat 30 + vest
2. Leg lower with chest fly + crunch toe touch 30 Fly arms & legs go down @ same time. Toe touch is an abs thing, legs in the air, pressing weights up. Pretty challenging doing sit-ups holding 30lbs in the air! LOL. It’s not a lot of weight for the flies but. I did my part 2 of this move a bit different from J.
3. Sumo squat + upright row +hammer curl 30 + vest
4. tricep pushup + plank tuck + to alt plank kickbacks 20
5. SL Pike push-up with Hand on weight (opp leg in air) + Runners Lunge + Row + Knee Drive (2 sided move) 15lbs This 1 move has 72 pike push-ups, lol. But actually that’s the easiest section, if you’re not wearing a vest at least.
6. bunny hop (in place) + box jump+ to clean squat and press vest + 30 Holding weights only for the squat & press 

Jump and Freeze, No rest Tabata by Daniela

Group 1: 20:10 4x per move 8 mins Vest for moves 1-3
1. Squat jumps: squat hold
2. Explosive pushup + back bow: dhanurasana hold
3. Plie squat jumps: plie hold
4. Tricep pushup tuck jump in plank: tricep or plank hold

Group 2: 20:10 3x per move 6:10min
1. Switch lunges: RL lunge hold
2. R side plank dip: side plank hold
3. Chair lunges (fast, from bench): LL lunge hold
4. L side plank dip: side plank hold

Group 3: 20:10 2x per move 4:10min
1. Bridge hops: bridge hold
2. High knees: LL warrior 3 hold
3. Squat jump fall to pushup: bear hold
4. Mtn climbers: RL warrior 3 hold

I was already gonna go past 2 hours so I cut out the last 10min set in the routine. Course I started with a close to half hour warm-up rather than the few minutes in the video. And then I take as long as I like with reps, not going slow, just really full range of motion and rest / note breaks as needed.

cardio AMRAP
10 minutes 8 reps/move
1. Star jumps
2. Yoga pushups Going from a butt-up tricep hold to an up dog
3. Groiners 2=1 Like a mountain climber w/ feet tapping on side of each foot
4. Jugglers
5. High Switch Kicks, 1+1=1 20 Burpee clap under tuck

A bored (and wronged) witch is a dangerous witch, PDX

Reversal Part 2

I probably should’ve waited to add the valerian root to my noxious blend! Every time I spit flem into my coffee can cauldron I get a whiff, lol. The gunk in my sinuses has thankfully loosened enough so I can breathe. I’m still blowing my nose fairly constantly, and my Vaseline still comes to bed with me every night for post blow application (and is by my side all day). The first plan was to keep adding to the mix as long as I’m coughing, but I think I may bury it tomorrow, and it can keep steeping on a semi permanent basis.

I’m using the fruits of my illness as a tools, see. I have suffered emotionally to a huge extent, and the social isolation has taken a big toll on the robustness of my health. So I will take my illness, suffering and all the negative feelings that generates and put it allllll into the mix to send back.

I’ve decided to take another rest day from exercise. I had to work out the day before yesterday, as days of lying in bed had made my back so sore. Yesterday I chose a no-impact routine, though it was one of Julia’s. It took a lot out of me. Too much. I hadn’t eaten a substantial meal since Christmas Day & I nearly told Charlie I didn’t want to go to Rogue for burgers after all. I’m glad I rallied. Also glad I thought to bring a notepad & pen with me, as it’s most often loud in there and last night it was.


We had the same waiter as the last visit. I’d asked C to tell him I had laryngitis so he wouldn’t think I was rude by not communicating at all. The funny thing was that after that he wouldn’t look at me, as if I were sporting some deeply embarrassing deformity. I could still smile and nod!

And then they were having a sale on some of their bottled beers and C asked if we could get a case of the IPA we were drinking. The table flyer said, “Ask your server about our selections!”, or something like that. The waiter goes, Uhh… I could check and see if we have it if I get a chance. C was momentarily taken aback and the waiter left. So C grabbed one (from the other room) and then wrote on the table flyer, “Actually the server would prefer you check yourself.

I still like that place. It’s satisfyingly divey.

Tonight we’re going to check out the cafe outpost of an expensive, foodie-type place (think single bit sized “portions” swimming in huge, fancy plates) that I spent some time on Twitter making fun of today.


The cafe is still pricey, but like a quarter of the “fahncy” restaurant, and I’m pretty sure you might even get half plates of food, or C must think so as he wouldn’t have suggested we try it. Occurred to me that it might’ve been a mistake to reserve the table using my Open Table account, in that case, lol, but C couldn’t remember his password. Or I typed it in wrong.

Things about Portland that suck

Portland restaurants are really not any cheaper than NYC restaurants, and there’s a huge gap in the medium range, comfy cafe level. You’ve either got brewpub or EXPENSIVE, it seems. And I never saw a fee for splitting an entree anywhere in NYC. I went to a so-so Italian place in Sellwood on a pre Ch internet date once, and was shocked to see they’d bill you $5 if you wanted an entree served on two plates. Da fuck?

Also interesting, two of the places I liked best when I was trying to be vegan and virtuous are closing. Portobello is one of the few places that comes sort-of close to NYC levels. Like, why do vegan places here have to be like biker bars serving only junk food, or look like fast food restaurants where you might want to have lunch but NEVER dinner? I don’t get it. Portobello serves decent food and at least as a B- ambiance, but they’re done on the 31st.

Vtopia, the vegan cheese place and cafe, is now crowd sourcing to try to stay open, so you know they’re done. I used to live within walking distance and liked going there. C and I have been together several times, but the last time we went we found a new owner and there was no wine, because apparently the liquor license does not transfer. That makes NO sense! And while the owner was nice, the cheese case looked barren and depressing and I remember the detail that they served us each about 1 tablespoon of dressing with our salads and it was impossible to get attention to get any more, even though there were maybe 1 or 2 other occupied tables at best. I had a strong feeling it wouldn’t last, and we weren’t ever motivated to return.

I’ve got some good friends…

I’ve been so isolated sometimes I’m convinced I don’t have any at all, but then… I have been really letting it hang out on Facebook. I’ve got nothing to lose. I think it was either that or a complete freak out and I’m more interested in keeping my shit together.

Today was emotionally draining though

After two more equally lengthy & vicious nastygrams and several ignored calls, I got a comment from my NH friend who’d previously offered to go pick up the easel. It turns out she’s got both a corporate discount and an amenable shipping department at work. My last estimate from UPS was $600. Cathy thinks she can get it down to about half that.

I’d asked UPS to wait until tomorrow for my decision, but called them back immediately to tell them to hold it until Saturday. Apparently my mother had suddenly shown up, as they were preparing to close, saying she wanted to ship after all. These poor people stuck in the middle! They’d all been informed. Oh mam you don’t need to ask for anyone in particular. We all know about it. I then had to call her back & have an inane argument over the fact that she is not not allowed to pay for it. She’s to leave it. She’s out of the equation. End of story.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get it back together! I just couldn’t let it go. I’ve owned very little in life and I’ve been willing to let most of it go, but this was different. Part of me wonders if they gave such an inflated price because there was someone working there who was interested in taking it. Betty was trying to give it away!

The easel is symbolic of coming full circle

Whatever the fuck happens, I will get the bones of that easel out here to Portland. I never thought I’d do this. I don’t even have any oil or acrylic paints, not to mention all the other pile of supplies I’d need. I’m just going to give all the fight I’ve got left remaining into really, finally, being an artist. It won’t last long if the universe doesn’t throw me a goddamn bone already, hence the magical assistance I’ve been preparing.

I don’t think I’ll actually bother reading a book on narcissistic mothers. Not immediately anyway. I’d rather think about what I’m working on: the next illustration, the servitor, the next area of study in hermetics.