Woke up with a start from my drug-induced nap

And half the day’s over. Excellent! And it only took 1 tablet

I guess I don’t have mono but that weird, nervous churning feeling in my upper abdomen, spleen area, reminds me of my bout, long ago. It was the first day of eighth grade. My sister and I both got ready in same bathroom, each perched on one side of the counter. I was applying my blue sparkly eye shadow (I’m that old), when I sort of crumpled, slid to the floor and passed out. You could call that sudden onset! My sister accused me of always being “so dramatic”. My dad had to come in and pick me up off the floor and deposit me on my bed. There was a moment I scared the fuck out of everyone by being unable to respond. Soon after I had the worst sore throat you could imagine, like strep at mach 10. I needed help getting from the car into the doctor’s office later as well, but by then I could speak.

It was a rager of a case & I missed a full month of school. My throat felt like that last night. It’s hard to get any liquids down when it’s that painful to swallow.

Maybe I’ll have to go back to vegetarian again and see if that helps my immune system as much as it did in my late 30s. I still think vegan is the only ethical way, but it’s just too damn hard when you’re this isolated and poor. I’m lucky to have a roof over my head and food to eat. When I’m buying my own groceries again then I can be pickier.

An email from mommy dearest #nastygram #emotionalabuse

Sent from my iPhone
Quoted in entirety. I think I will need to cut all contact with this woman. 

Back story to follow.

On Nov 17, 2016, at 12:19 PM, Betty Maddocks 

I have to get your easel back from the UPS Store ~ found 2 people who want it. Talked with Steve Beales, the headmaster at Alvirne, I guess you call him the principle, he said you were in his class, his wife is Regina Beals and he wants it. And now UPS also wants it. BUT like I said before you should have removed everything you owned from here when you left home ~ I should have demanded it or charged you storage. It has made a lot of work for me and it isn’t my job to do so & to be honest it pisses me off. I do not have a whole of patience any more especially when it is not my responsibility. Hey, I’ll bet you could get a job in the art department at Alvirne. I will have to call Steve back later.
Linda, I also think you must be going through menopause perhaps. I never ever had a hard time with it. And I have always wondered if you were bi-polar and/or manic/depressive. I always thought this (you have all the symptoms) ~ you were always demanding and high maintenance. It isn’t such a big deal because there are meds for it. I really do think you could use some professional help. You were a very demanding kid/high maintenance.

So anyway maybe hope at the end of the tunnel. But I should have demanded you take everything you own out of this house when you left home. You were a tough kid to raise. I would not do the same thing today. You would have to pay your own college. It makes people very weak to constantly be given free “everything”. And practically every time I went to visit you in NYC you were very abusive ~ you wanted me to walk with you to your gym and then pointed diagnonally and said “find your own way home”. I called your father & he said “get to the train and come home now and never ever go there again”. “But I have her house key”. You were always SO VERY MEAN.

Anyway I do love you but absolutely no more give-aways. There are always jobs. If you were telling me the truth about how badly you behaved at your last NYC job I would have fired you on the spot and had guards remove you. If you don’t change your attitude you’ll never find work. I really think you need meds and an attitude adjustment. It’s up to you. I love you. There is hope ~ you need to apologize to those young girls at the last job when they fired you. Mom

Things I like about #HIIT over #ashtanga

  1. HIIT’s flexible and can be adapted to your schedule rather than the other way around. Sessions can be 15min or upwards of 90. You can do them first thing in the morning, but any time of day or evening also works and you don’t have to starve beforehand.
  2. There are many excellent, free workouts on youtube. You don’t need to pay hundreds of dollars per month for extremely limited availability (example: only between 6:30 & 9am on weekdays -so even if you don’t have to get to an office job you’re obliged to keep ass crack of dawn risings – and only five or six days per week at best, not including moon days, when the teacher is sick or traveling.) I used to love paying high fees, giving up work and flying somewhere to practice with some teacher who might then disappear to go do a workshop some other place, thus getting paid to be in two places at once. I’d make jokes about sending in my cat to do my design job while I was off in India and demanding the exact same pay rate.
  3. No one cares or ever needs to know if you can achieve non functional feats of flexibility.
  4. You tends to build loads of strength without the constant injuries and generally the only pain incurred is muscle soreness rather than tears and tweaks.
  5. If it hurts you can change the movement!
  6. There isn’t this fear based, grasping NEED to do it when the situation indicates rest would be healthier because you might “lose” something.
  7. There is way less of a false correlation between abilities and morals. No one gets all precious about their bicep 💪🏻 curls. It’s just exercise. Yoga adepts, however, are practically worshipped, when amazing asana all too often comes with enormous, blind narcissism.

Deep thoughts in lieu of the nap 😴 that eludes me.

I shouldn’t really be using my phone on less than 50%

Thanks gods I’ve got a separate battery and it’s freshly charged. I only used it once to power up the phone again, so I should have two more rounds, but I’ll need that to play a youtube workout later. I could tether laptop to phone as well, but it seems like that’d draw more power.

It’s the one day I can wake and bake for the next five days so I’m gonna.

I brought home a huge tub of ice cream in the free swag bag last night. Hope it survives. Had my last meal around midnight, some of the olive ciabatta with spinach and feta dip. I’d had handfuls of sausage bits, buttermilk chicken salad, wheat berries and cherries salad, some excellent Gouda and cheddar, these pungent cheese crackers… I’m probably forgetting something.

It’s no wonder so many people there are enormous. Like huge. So you’re the smallest one there cause you’re new? – Charlie.

I’m PMSing too. THAT always makes everything better. Trying to change a tampon while working menial with very limited breaks is going to be (dot-dot-dot) “awesome”. Cold is getting better but it really sucked not being able to freely blow my nose for 8 hours.

I always feel like an anthropologist when in the midst of groupthink. Are you people listening to yourselves? At least it’s harmless and friendly in this case.

I noticed the power was out when I got up to pee just past 5. Flicked the switch on the floor lamp a couple x and thought first it was just a lightbulb. The winds were really intense last night. C says sometimes they get to 100mph here. It’s cool and witchy but tends to knock trees into power lines.

So it’s been at least 3 hours. Here’s hoping they fix it by noon. 🙏

42min #HIIT, some abs & some #ashtanga #yoga

My repeating cardio: Jumpovers alt. with Skipping

This is actually a 24min HIIT & 6min abs workout. I was expecting 40min so I went to Sean’s Facebook page. He’s one of the other Bodyrock trainers. (Man does he look ripped to shreds compared to what he used to look like as recently as Fat Burn Challenge days. I want the supplements he’s on!) His videos are just on his Facebook & 12min only, from the looks of things. They’re harder to follow and more repetitive than Lisa Marie’s, but I felt like I wanted just a little more & thought, Why not try one? Meh. He’s hot but…

Then I moved onto yoga, the suryas, fundamentals my usual way. After that 1min in Urdhva D by the wall & finishing in 1min intervals. Savasana. Felt like a good recovery day workout, though I’m not going to get another balls-to-the-wall Julia routine out of myself unless I give my body a rest day!

So funny that what I kept from my obsessed / cult days with Ashtanga is mainly the beginning and ending, the non money shots, if you will. That beginning section makes a GREAT cool down. I love it.



3 rounds #HIIT, a burnout & some #restorative #yoga

Short workout, but that’s ok. I’d expected to be taking the weekend off, entertaining friends. Only it didn’t happen. Again. Certainly my family is never going to visit me here in Portland! Not any of the two of ’em, and I cannot afford to buy plane tickets. I’d had some high hopes apparently, judging by my reaction to the cancellation. Oh wells. I get emotional sometimes.

People who have family members who visit and/or go on vacation with them cannot relate.

Whatever! I am going to leave The Hill today on my own steam. I postponed the gym checking out adventure to today. The only routes are around the hill, so  it’s gonna take about an hour to travel the 3.5 miles, but I’ve got time, an iPhone and a Kindle.



Bootcamp Day 5

(10/50) for 12min sets.

  • Round 1, Cardio: Competition burpees
  • Round 2, Cardio: Skipping


  1. DSLL, 40lbs Put a P90X move here instead of yet more push-ups. The repeating element is burpees and there’s 3 rounds of elevated push-ups in the overtime so… Soon I hope to have a pull-up station in the dining room so I can work that muscle group too. Balance is good.
  2. Plank Front raise & side raise, 10lbs
  3. Other side
  4. Monkey push-up, half burpee
  5. Pike abs on bench, 15lbs On bench, arms reaching up & overhead w weight
  6. Bent-over 1-leg rows, alt sides, 30lbs.

Bootcamp Day 3

1 rounds (10/50) for 12min set. Took vest off for this one.

  • Round 1: Cardio: 3-point abs with a tuck jump / alt with Skipping
  1. Star abs, holding 5lb weight in each hand
  2. Reverse curl on the bench, for more range
  3. Tricep dips Lifting alt leg every 5 dips
  4. Side plank, knee to elbow & row, 5lbs. Aha! This is what made my delts so “can’t take off T-shirt” sore earlier this week. I did 3 rounds & started off with 1-round of the too heavy 10lbs.
  5. Other side
  6. Bicycle abs I did “coming up to C-sit on each side” style for this one, dif from the video.

Overtime Day 5

  1. Elevated push-ups, alt one foot crossing over the other, feet a bit wide so that more of the weight goes on the arm that’s got the feet behind it.
  2. Squat w bicep curl 30lbs
  3. Elevated push-ups
  4. Squat & push out wider feet, 16lbs, holding weight at shoulders. Extend arms straight out at the bottom of the return
  5. Elevated push-ups
  6. Overhead Tricep 20lbs Instead of tricep dips cause I’d just done a hard set of those in the last round


  • About 20min easy, timed poses. Man, I love finishing poses!