1-3 Magical Schooling of the Spirit, “No Verbal Thoughts” & my own Middle Pillar


1-3 “No Verbal Thoughts”

I’ll be using the last 8-minutes of my morning sit in padmasana¹ again, while listening to Holosync, for a hermetics exercise. In this case the goal is the same as regular meditation, to keep returning the internal driste to the edges of the nostrils, and to avoid as much as possible ALL verbal thoughts. It helps me to keep my focus moving in a clockwise motion around my 3rd eye.

I’ve pretty much settled on doing my Initiation into Hermetics exercises once a day, in the morning, but then I’m working on other things & I’m doing at least a half-hour of binaural beat, seated meditation every day.

Wednesday 1/18/17

  • 1-3-1 8min at the end of a 30min seated meditation. This will be where it “goes” every morning, same as exercise 1-2. I kept score (13! my favorite number) with my mala on definite distractions. Mostly they were me congratulating myself on how well I was doing! I’d thought at first this would be redundant, but no. It’d be a miraculous leap for me to maintain this degree of focus for an entire 30-min sit, but in working on focus to this degree at the end of my sit, I think I will likely improve overall.

Thursday 1/19/17

  • 1-3-2 Last night was jam night, here. They were really quiet after 10pm, only three of ’em down there, so I could’ve done a 2nd thing, but true to form I did not. Honestly though the meditations have been so intense lately, now that I’m concentrating on the swirling “no thoughts”, not just in the 8min at the end, when I keep score on the mala.

Friday 1/20/17

  • 1-3-3 I had an amazingly deep sit today. I dressed (uncrossing oil) and lit my green & black uncrossing candle before starting. I held a black tourmaline in each jnana mudra hand.

    I’ve gotta a set up timer into intervals for my own middle pillar ritual. Had started thinking about that last night, after following along with the Regardie version mentioned in my hand written note. I figured this particular meditation would best be best done standing, because it deals with the grounding chakras in the feet, which correspond to Malkut sephirah (circle) in the tree of life.

    I’ve never done anything with foot chakras before. This ritual deals with five: crown, throat, heart, sacral and root, which in this case is located right below & includes the soles of the feet I think. This would be similar to the Sahasrara bring mostly above the crown but also including it.

    Some say the Malkhut corresponds to the Muladhara, but this doesn’t seem quite right to me, not that the function or expression isn’t similar, but that I don’t want to picture my own muladhara traveling. It stays in the taint! Would it be the Mahatala or Patala? The one page I could find with any Sanskrit names for foot chakras lists nefarious qualities for both the foot (former) and below (latter).

    I finally have a reason to use my chakra tuning forks! I’ll spend a certain amount of time on each chakra, striking the associated fork & moving it clockwise, alternated with “vibrating” whatever the traditional Hebrew word is, according to the Golden Dawn.

Saturday 1/21/17

  • 1-3-4 This seat was as jumpy and angsty as yesterday’s was deep. When I sit in a non-verbal awareness, often what’s there is profound emotion. It’s great when it’s joy… Today it was not.

pdx womens march.png

If I still lived at The Hotel (The mostly transient Ladd, right where the “SW” is of SW Jefferson St), I’d be there today & would be feeling really good about it. I’d begun taking part in NYC protests my last few years there. I wish this many people cared about getting rid of nukes and Monsanto! But anyway, ya, I’d stroll right over, because living downtown still would mean I’d found a way to make my contribution and get paid decently. I’d have succeeded and I’d belong, and this would more than lend the spirit.

Interestingly when I tried the Middle Pillar the first time, the chakra I felt it most was my sort of choked, tight throat chakra. It’s not surprising. I feel like I don’t count, like I don’t have a voice. But I know those women out there are marching for those of us who cannot, for whatever reason.

After my sit did the LBRP.

Sunday 1/22/17

  • 1-3-5 Followed up my sit & hermetics with the LBRP again. Tonight should be a NB again so maybe I’ll practice a personalized version of the Middle Pillar or I’ll just sit with the 2nd track of my Holosync.

Monday 1/23/17 

  • 1-3-6 Same practice format as yesterday, but no 2nd sit or practice last night. 11 beads. Stayed up late-ish reading my book about Cagliostro instead.

Thursday 1/26/17

  • 1-3-7 I missed TWO days of seated meditation? How did that happen? I know how! I didn’t do it first thing (after caffeination). Well I took care of it today. I got an inquiry. It could be 96 illustrations at a NYC level rate. That’d be months of work. I could make a trip to New York to visit friends! How glorious would that be? I’d have to find some way to make it a business trip & then I could stay in a cheaper hotel 2-3 nights and couch surf the rest of the time. I’d want to be there 5 nights probably…

Friday 1/27/17

  • 1-3-8 Wonder if I should just count to the 28x I’m supposed to do this exercise in 2-weeks even if it takes a month and a half? I could put off the cataloging of my negative traits & responses, as observed via dissecting my history thus far (2-1)!Here’s my notes from today’s post sit memo.This sit’s distraction was all about about inspiration. I’d been doing some project planning right before I sat down. I’d forgotten all about cricket in the snow. I have to take a look at that drawing, see if I want to work at some more detail and then lay a couple color washes down. I’m also working on that three-quarter view of Charlie for the king of cups illustration. And then I keep thinking of that cafe down shot scene. I taken some pictures for reference when I was still living downtown, and going to the sketch meet ups once in a while. I thought about the new book that I got on drawing perspective! I’d also gone through some of my pictures on my phone, and emailed them to myself and notes in the subject line about what kind of reference it’ll be. I have another down shot photos that I took on one of those Meetups, from the second floor looking down at the group.

Saturday 1/28/17

  • 1-3-9 So I’ve got at least eleven more days of this exercise, if I’m carrying on until I complete session 28 & don’t miss any more days. That’d mean I’d finish on Henry’s birthday! LinkThe rest of the links won’t work at the moment b/c I’m unsure of whether or not I’ll keep the audio files on my google drive. Probably not. 

Sunday 1/29/17

  • Missed it!

Monday 1/30/17

  • 1/3/10 Extremely restless sit. Broke seat to pick up phone & update a comment on my FB profile pix (Bael). It’s a demon & it’s a public photo & my comment made it sound like I fully intend to invoke a demonic entity, which is not necessarily the case. Servitors are safer tho probably less effective. Took a day off yesterday. I realized again how hard the 8min of Hermetics part at the end is. It’s ok to take breaks once in awhile. The Holosync alone can fuck with your head a little bit.

Tuesday 1/31/17

  • 1/3/11 Word of the day is Svadisthana. Sacral chakra. It’s been pulsating lately. I’ve thought lately that maybe I’ve moved out of the base Muladhara on a day-to-day level. Moving chakra meditation… From Svadisthana to Anahata(?) heart. To the Ajna. And then Sahasrara. Angst. Basically skipped the Hermetics part b/c I forgot to put my mala beads next to me before starting & didn’t want to break my sit.

Wednesday 2/1/17

  • Missed it!

Thursday 2/2/17

  • 1/3/12 Score = 17 beads. Super distracted again but also super intense & deep. As per 11th session, once I settled there was the buzzing in the Svadisthana. I think I missed two days! Had been bad about updating the blog but I uploaded 3 voice memos just now & it’s fine to listen & type notes at the same time. No need to link. I think I’m having a kundalini awakening, actually. It wouldn’t be so far-fetched considering what I’ve been up to since… decades ago.

Friday 2/3/17

  • 1/3/13 Solid seat today. Very steady. No grand effects of chakra buzzing back & forth though.9 beads. The dream… A distraction that popped up before the hermetics. This dream woke me up. Was packing all my stuff to leave the hovel, but I couldn’t access my bank account. Had 3 different phones. Had saved the old ones. Dug them out of a drawer & managed to find charging adaptor for each one. Had tried talking to people at the bank & they weren’t helpful, but I’d remembered some old link… It was like I was trying to find the magic door. I got sidetracked with this project and missed a flight… I had a supportive friend I was communicating with. Tom Correll? Crying. Someone telling me, It’s ok. You needed to go. You needed to go. This kind of assuaged the guilt of blowing up my career by leaving New York.

Caturday 2/4/17 I typed a ‘C’ immediately so went with it

  • Skipped it!

Sunday 2/5/17

  • 1/3/14 Only five beads today! Maybe the hangover helped. Too much whiskey last night, or maybe just enough, depending on which way you look at it. Nice, deep, steady… No chakra buzzing. Should’ve recorded the morning dreams. (I think the hermetics has been a big influence here.)

Monday 2/6/17

  • 1-3-15 OMG that was SO hard! 16 beads. First distraction was thinking I have to go print out the “Middle Piddle”, aka Middle Pillar. Did that already. Thought about Sachiel. With the reading I’ve been finishing on Cagliostro, I’ve been thinking I might incorporate some planetary magic more, though I have already to some extent. I’d written his name in my servitor notes, b/c originally he was going to be my power word. (After you say the name of the entity you’re calling 3x, you can have an additional “secret” word to say which seals the deal. Since Siva is associated with Apaaragita, I chose him. But now I’m talking to the archangels too: Raphael, Michael, Gabriel and Auriel.

Tuesday 2/7/17

  • 1-3-16 “Accidentally” started playing the more difficult (no gong time markers) Immersion track, rather than the Dive today. Sometimes iTunes gets a glitch & plays Dive for only a little bit & then skips to Immersion, and you have to restart the app to fix it. I didn’t bother checking & just went with it. I broke seat a couple times to see how much of the track was left. When it was a few seconds before 9min, the 2nd time, I picked up the “score mala” and counted down to start time (16 beads).Svadisthana again.

Wednesday 2/8/17

  • 1-3-17 Only 7 beads. Was really intense. Had vaped a few moments before. Lit one of the black taper candles, pictured above. Yoga thoughts. Was thinking of the early morning dreams a lot in the beginning of the sit, but I’ve been resisting making voice memos because then I’d need to upload, file and listen. I guess.

Thursday 2/9/17

  • 1-3-18 That was pretty shitty. 17 beads. I didn’t really try. Just found out the illustration job which could’ve saved me – which I knew was too good to be true – went to someone else with a connection to an employee. I cried. S0-much-angst. Remembered a friend of Susan’s telling me (Thanksgiving 2015, which I still lived in a public transportation zone) that the job market here is so tight, gigs are all given a way and traded through friends. Since I don’t go anywhere and have no money to hang out, there is no hope for me.

Friday 2/10/17

  • 1-3-19 Thirteen beads. Before I sat down to meditate I counted the days before my friend arrives in town. Even if I doubled-up (atypically) from this day on, I’d only get to 24. (I didn’t manage it.) I think for exercise 3 I’ll call it finished & published the morning of my guest’s arrival. I’ll move onto the soul mirror, negative qualities, after our visit. Thought a lot about Metatron’s sigil (archangel associated with Keter / Kether). Had started drawing. Now finished. Also preoccupied with what happened with the trees in front of the cauldron area. See this post.

Saturday 2/11/17

  • 1-3-20 Score is nine beads. Deep sit. Still thinking about archangels, Gabriel especially today. In the LBRP ritual, he’s the one standing behind, associated with the water element. Had the feeling of expansive angst, the inner Aaaaaarrrrrrgh! during the hermetics part.

Sunday 2/12/17

  • 1-3-21 7 beads & (I gotta tweet this) distraction early on. Thought about Archangel Gabriel, yoga, art, the Renaissance artist Raphael and whether he’d painted Gabriel (no). Thought about Justin Trudeau as a model for my Gabriel art. Apparently this angel can be either male or female.


    Perhaps a real magician / sorcerer is someone who’s fully integrated with their subconscious. I’m definitely a lot more than I was before I started this hermetics thing.

Monday 2/13/17

  • 1-3-22 21 beads! Forced to confront heavy truths today, contemplating life without a smart phone. Maybe I should pray to Gabriel in earnest now.

Tuesday 2/14/17

  • Missed it! Sat down after coffee time and found myself drafting an email and assembling a big Dropbox folder. I needed to get the ball rolling on the new project, a yoga studio logo for a smart and dedicated friend.

Wednesday 2/15/17

  • 1-3-23 I got worse toward the end of this practice, lol. 21 beads again! Mind was all over the place today. Was thinking a lot about the logo concepts. Wanna use Berhnard Fashion for one version of the text. Love that old font. So elegant. Was thinking about one of the moon treatments we want to try, for which I need to do a sketch.

    Was thinking about that Golden Dawn focused workbook recommended by Psycho Sorcerer. Am wondering how into the group I really am. Franz Bardon’s book, from which I got these exercises, is not that easy to follow (but is a similar, years long project).


    Thinking about Saraswati’s yanta, and the fact I need to print the information about her iconography and the symbolism of the yantra.








¹ Spine is straight and I’m sitting in lotus, holding jnana mudra with my hands and khechari mudra with my tongue. Never practiced the latter mudra until October 2016. I keep my eyes shut, and I’m wearing headphones to make the binaural beat technology of Holosync more effective.