1-2) Magical Schooling of the Spirit, 2) Thought Discipline #mantra #hermetics

I moved on, January 2nd, from 1-1 after an abbreviated second attempt to do things “by the book”.

Focus awareness on one thought (mental driste) while you discard / suppress other thoughts. Hmmm… “I am a well-paid, prolific Artist and Designer.” Somewhere in the middle  of the two weeks this changed to “I am a prolific, highly paid Artist and Designer.” I also pretty much accepted of myself that I’ll practice as often as I want, which is mostly just mornings, as part of my daily, seated half-hour in padmasana, meditating.


I may combine 1-3, Absence of Thoughts, some night time pranayama. Watched this clip by Psycho Sorcerer on YouTube, and I think maybe I should research the Middle Pillar ritual. It’s as involved as the LBRP (Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram). It’s kind of involved. You have to look at a lot of sources, make notes, practice pronunciations etc. It takes a little bit before you can even start practicing these things seriously.

  • Day 1, 1-2-1 √ 
    • 5min Did this first exercise in my post sit savasana. As I’ve said before, when I sit in padmasana for more than 15/20 minutes, the top foot & calf tend to go numb, from the weight of the other foot pressing on the thigh. I’d meant to grab my mala beads and “tick” off the beads for my mental mantra, but I forgot to grab them before I took my seat. So I used the alternate, finger method.
  • Day 1, 1-2-2 √ 
    • 5min Almost forgot! Used my mala beads this time. Not much to say here b/c the mind doesn’t wander so much at all. I’m including a link to a bit of dream recall. It’s an instance when I remembered a fictional element from a previous dream in a new one.
  • Day 2, 1-2-3 √ 
    • 6min Did it after my morning sit.
  • Day 2, 1-2-4
    •  6min Missed it… I did think about it but I was hiding in my room during jam night, sipping continual shots of tequila.
  • Day 3, 1-2-5 √ 
    • 8min Jumped up by 1min a day early b/c I decided to make this part of my half hour, seated meditation. There’s a certain bell that rings (within the masking sounds of Tibetan bells and rain) that let’s you know when you’re at the 22min mark. I picked up my mala beads at that point and started internally repeating my mantra. It worked excellent. You’re in pretty deep by the 22min mark, and picking up some beads does not disturb that. Therefore I will stick to 8min for the morning part of these twice daily exercises, and I hope to improve consistency in the evenings.
  • Day 3, 1-2-6 √ 
    • 7min Did it! Using the mala beads to mark reps (though I don’t count the total) is a good visual reminder. I got up to go get my phone charger in the office last night, before turning out my light, and saw the beads and remembered.
  • Day 4, 1-2-7 
    • 8min
  • Day 4, 1-2-8 
    • 8min
  • Day 5, 1-2-9
    • 9min Was planning to do the 8min, during the last part of my daily seated meditation. This is what I’d decided on! But I accidentally started the more silent, no bells or time cues track Immersion, and I didn’t notice until I was fully in! I took this as a sign I should keep my seat for the full half hour & then sit an additional 9-minutes interally reciting my mantra for this exercise. Interestingly, when I concentrated I could “hear” my voice. This is some practice for the sensory working coming… That bit’s going to be hard.I’m already bored with exercise 1-2 and want to move on. Specifically I want to get to the black & white mirror lists & get that over with. I’ll probably get to it right around my 50th birthday. Awesome! Nothing like a “reckoning”, as if I haven’t been doing enough of it the past couple years.If I have 100% consistency through day 7, I’ll consider moving to 1-3, and spending only a week there as well. What is the point of playing by all the rules if you’re the teacher? They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. This is an old hermetics thing, and of course I recognized it from the (younger) world of traditional vinyasa yoga, astanga. I used to like to say, in my last years of full-time practice, “When the student is ready, the teachers disappear.”
  • Day 5, 1-2-10
    • 9min I didn’t want to, but I remembered and did it. Putting the mala beads next to the bed (after I’m done with them in the morning) is a really good, visual cue.
  • Day 6, 1-2-11 √ 
    • 8min This was a really fidgety sit at the beginning, but boy did it get deep once I picked up my mala beads. It’s now programmed into me that the first thing I want to do in the morning, after coffee time, is Sit, and do my mantra. More here.
  • Day 6, 1-2-12
    • Missed another one! Had a little bit too good of a time last night. I’ll have to finish out the 2 weeks in that case, I guess.
  • Day 7, 1-2-13 
    • 8min
  • Day 7, 1-2-14 
    • 10min
  • Day 8, 1-2-15 
    • 8min
  • Day 8, 1-2-16
    • Willfully skipped it. This New England winter, isolated on The Hill, in the fucking snow, is NOT making me cheery. And then there was another kitchen demerit & another non placement via Creative Circle. 
  • Day 9, 1-2-17 
    • 8min Woke up morose.

      That was a hard sit today. My mind is going a dark directions, and I’m just gonna go with it. I’d prefer to stay in my office all day, honestly. Sigh sigh.anyway as soon as the blood circulation returns to my right foot and I get up off the floor again, I’m going to do the banishing ritual. I haven’t practiced that in a while, but it’s probably a good idea in light of the rehearsal magic.

  • Day 9, 1-2-18
    • Willfully skipped it. 
  • Day 10, 1-2-19 
    • Another fidgety sit. I break my seat all the time! Seated meditation is so difficult, and every time I get myself there in the morning, I think ” I should really be doing this at night too!” I’ve been trying to work on the recollection thing a little bit with the meditation, so extending the first hermetics exercise past two weeks. I think this is helping me with dream recall, and last night I dreamed I was working on a portrait in oils, the lips at the time I woke.

      My mind kept wanting to plan a yoga practice. And I was aware of a stiffness in the right thoracic.

      1. Standing & fundamentals
      2. Pinca M / upavistha konasana
      3. Pinca M / malasana
      4. Eka pada sirsa
      5. Ardha matseyendra
      6. 2nd to laghu vajrasana, EPRK, kapo B
      7. Back bending
      8. Finishing
  • Day 10, 1-2-20
    • 10min
  • Day 11, 1-2-21
    • 8min
  • Day 11, 1-2-22
  • Day 12, 1-2-23 
    • 8min Well I missed not only the evening session yesterday, but also the morning sit. I hardly ever miss that! But Charlie and I had plans to go cross country skiing up on Mount Hood, and I would’ve delayed us by 40 minutes if I had insisted on meditating. And then I was thinking maybe I’d do it in the evening, but we stopped at a brewpub in Woodstock on the way home… I think I’ll probably end up missing more than half the scheduled hermetics exercises! But whatever. It’s not like I’m in school for this, or getting graded on it.
  • Day 12, 1-2-24 
    • Skipped it even on a NB! It’d be a good idea, but I just do not like to sit at night, generally speaking.
  • Day 13, 1-2-25 
    • 8min Wow! I’m two days away from moving onto the next thing! I’m still working on the recollection bit, which is exercise 1. How do you repeatedly direct your focus but remember the thoughts that creep in? Working on this seems to help dream recall. Link
  • Day 13, 1-2-26
    • 10min skipped it! of course
  • Day 14, 1-2-27 
    • 10min Didn’t get as much sleep as I’d have liked last night, though it doesn’t matter much as I have no firm schedule here in the black hole. Henry woke me up barfing up a hairball at 5:30am. I thought about my dream for some time.I was back in NYC, and had somehow gotten into one of those low-income housing situations that in reality take 20 years on a list to accomplish. But even then I was going to have real problems paying the rent. I had a job supposedly lined up, with some professor in a school… Was in the class with a good friend (one of the ones I thought would stick with me through this phase but didn’t). I was aware she’d hooked up with him. Then he made a comment to her about the benefits. She and I were sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall. I moved closer & whispered, Did you take that job I was expecting? Yes. I grabbed my stuff, stood and left, crying all the way.The dream was basically me roaming about the city crying hysterically. There was a scene in a gym. I was just in there moping about, not exercising. But I do remember feeling that my feet knew the city SO WELL, that I could climb the steps out of a subway stop, looking down and crying, and still know the way.
    • Post meditation thoughts are here.
  • Day 14, 1-2-28
    • Skipped it, cause night time & dinner. We’d had plenty of wine & stayed up late. Watched Zombieland (he’d never seen it).
  • Day 15, 1-2-29  √
    • And I was supposed to move on today, but I forgot. No matter cause I missed so many. I wonder if I should change my numbering system to how many times I actually practice a certain exercise vs how many times I’m supposed to, according to Bardon’s instructions.Like an ass I really hurt my right knuckle, the one with all the pins in it. I was playfully punching Charlie in the chest, quite hard. Didn’t hurt at the time, but… Hurts to type is what I’m saying. I’ll have to keep this short. Memo.
  • Day 15, 1-2-30  √
    • And I did a 2nd, half-hour sit, finally using the Immersion, Holosync track! Time to post this & be done.
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Start 2: #Hermetics, practical exercises have begun #witch #yogi #artist

initiation-into-hermetics-1

Fruity is the opposite of fruitless

I’ve read up through the first chapter of practical exercises. I have a background in yoga, self reflection via journaling and formal, seated meditation. Therefore I am doing each exercise the two weeks recommended for the somewhat experienced. Exercise 1 will take me to Christmas! That’s funny.

I finished that chapter around mid November but I was waiting to get my servitor going before starting another thing in addition to everything else. There’s the daily, seated meditation. I also had to practice a banishing ritual a bunch of times, among other things. One can only spend so much time per day engaged in such fruity endeavors.

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There are 10 exercises in Step 1, so that’s 20 weeks, assuming I’m 100% committed and don’t drop the ball at any point. [Totally dropped the ball! I made it 2.5 days only. I knew the night time exercises would be the problem. That doesn’t go along with the Portland slacker lifestyle, anything involving thought & discipline in the evening. Nevertheless I will try again.]

1. Magical Schooling of the Spirit

  1. Thought Control Observance

    • Bardon calls it “control”, but it’s really just observing. You start with 5min twice a day, adding 1min to each session until you’re at 10min twice. Whatever position you choose your spine should be straight. Since I practice a formal meditation I lie down for this one. You’re supposed to observe your thoughts and see what you can remember after. That’s it. The thing with me is I’m already pretty good at returning the thoughts to my chosen, internal driste when I’m practicing, paying attention. I’ve quickly figured out with this exercise that I can limit my note taking or struggling to remember by limiting my verbal thoughts.
    • Day 1, 1-1-1

      My left foot was numb. That was the foot that was on top in padmasana. It always falls asleep. Whatever foot’s on top. Because of the weight of the other foot pressing on the inner thigh. It happens after about 20 minutes. This exercise followed my 30 minutes seated meditation. Sick! Kept wanting to open my eyes & fidgeted a lot. Was thinking about putting my contacts in & doing a face mask. Can I exercise today? I’ll have to see.

    • Day 1, 1-1-2
      Toenail clippings are better than fingernail clippings for magic. My cat, Henry, who is near me. Thinking about that movie jungle book the orange flower, which is fire. Feeling sick.

    • Day 2, 1-1-3

      Six minutes is a long time. I have to pee. Thinking about the glob of mucus I coughed up this morning. It was disgusting. “Return to sender”. If the transfer of this illness was it all intentional, I want to send it back threefold. Crows. I need to try to exercise later.

    • Day 2, 1-1-4
      My mind is very still. Listening. Listening to Henry he’s grooming. Chicken. I thought about the chicken he demanded last night it was fun. My pimple. Yes I thought of that too. That’s really about it for six minutes
    • Day 3, 1-1-5
      Sick. My throat hurts. My head hurts. Alcohol and colds. I have organized and lying in bed. Thought about trying to get Charlie to do the stupid exercise with me. Now we’re not doing anything special for the holiday, but that I guess that’s OK since I’m sick. Disgusting.
    • Day 3, 1-1-6
      I’m in to the congestion phase of my cold. I’m having trouble breathing through my nose. I’ll have to try to sleep propped up on two pillows tonight. Henry kept interrupting exercise, wanting to play. The sea bout the chicken dinner we made tonight. That’s pretty much it.
    • Day 4, 1-1-7 (8 min now)

      Mouth breathing. I just blown my nose. I still need to meditate today. I need to light the reversal candle. Imagining my skeleton, my head and muscles, and the congestion in my neck and around my ears. Thinking about bodyrock. I do want to exercise today. The rest of the time I’m basically lying here motionless.

    • Day 4, 1-1-8

      Rehearsal time! I’m losing my voice now. I just noticed. Anyway wasn’t even to this at all. Eight minutes seems like a long time night, when you’re really sick. But I went upstairs and came up here at 7:30 PM and I’m still awake. And I had practically a whole syringe of Candace will tonight. This was after A bottle of excellent red wine with Charlie over leftovers. We had a nice meal today, but I was really too sick to enjoy myself at any point. Yesterday was a better day. But I made myself sick or by working out, or we just gonna happen anyway. I didn’t meditate today! Oh well. I just got off Twitter again. I have been trying to go to sleep and then they started wanting to write a work out for myself. I need to do mostly (yoga) but when I want to do a short specific kit, it seems like you all the best thing to do is write my own. This is in the yoga I know exactly what I’m after, areas of what to avoid working…

    • Day 5, 1-1-9
      I’ll just type in here directly, as I’ve got no voice at all to use for the voice memo, like I’d been doing. Was reflecting on how losing my voice – a blocked Vishuddi chakra – is SO SYMBOLIC. I’d purposely created a servitor with two prominent, visible chakras, the ajna & vishuddi. But now, right, I’ve got “no voice in the world”. I sat before hand, with what remains of my first reversal candle burning in front of me. I tried directing all of the sadness, depression and anger I’ve felt over the past two years into it. All of the emotional effects of my disenfranchisement also need to return to sender. I didn’t do an uncrossing before I created my servitor… Maybe this is why she has not been as effective as  hoped, yet. I’d missed more days of seated meditation. Today I was able to mostly hold my seat, but I did have a couple coughing jags. One was so violent I almost threw up on my lap. Wouldn’t have been much there. So far today I’ve only had black coffee, herbal tea and one caramel.
    • Day 5, 1-1-10
      Smashed the mirror for my first reversal spell tonight. It felt good. My hammer… it’s one I stole from my dad to take to art school and I’ve had it since. Reminds me of the hammer in The Earth Abides, a classic dystopian tale given to me by my dad. Had some beer & even some tequila too. Because fuck it.
    • Day 6, 1-1-11
      This was supposed to be 10min but I did 9 by mistake. I’d actually missed a full day in the heat of the illness, but I’ve accepted the fact I’m not going to do this stuff “by the book”, even if I’m following a book.

      DREAMS: was on the beach with Henry. It was kind of cool for the beach, but I thought he was getting too hot (at one point I let him off the leash & he almost got away). Took him to a shady area and suddenly we’re inside! In a version of that square, many-roomed, sometimes haunted apartment dreamland likes to take me to. It’s probably based on the place in Brooklyn that I shared with Ernie. Then I’m back on the beach & Jocelyn is there & I’m telling her enthusiastically she should visit while I’m still (able) to live there, while aware I’m over stepping in familiarity levels just a bit. She’s in LA in real life now. She left Portland shortly I’d arrived after living here 8 or 9 years & was never “we should get together”.

      Another one I’m practicing 3rd with Laura, and I’m moving really slowly, not even trying to keep up since I never practice that series anymore. For some reason I’m totally blowing smoke up her ass with flattery. “Oh you’re so FAST! How do go DO it?” Etc.

      Something about a Donald Dump Siri…

    • Day 6, 1-1-12

      I forgot to do my formal, seated meditation again… actually annoyance got in the way. I feel like I haven’t had a good meal since Saturday, was promised lunch, got a nonchalant nothing & had scavenged eggs & a workout (thank gods) instead. Anyway every time I remember this exercise I don’t wanna do it but what ELSE have I got going on? I haven’t been creative in over a week & I couldn’t interest myself in watching any shows tonight.

      Thinking about killing my servitor. I can’t feel any real gratitude these days. I knuckled down slightly after her “birth” but that was more a placebo effect. There have been no gigs…

      Creative Circle called about something I’d applied to right b4 Xmas & I just watched the phone ring as I had no voice. Emailed back. I never get excited about those anymore tho cause a placement has yet to happen.

      Think I’ll tranq up (getting to be a bad habit but this COUGH) and go to sleep.

    • Day 7, 1-1-13
      Up to 10min sessions now, and C seems to know when I’m doing it. He comes in! Add to that I can’t do the voice memo thing b/c it’d strain my voice too hard, trying to speak loud enough for the phone. So…DREAMS: The kids (source of this horrible, horrible cold) were home & I had the unpleasant “surprise in the kitchen”. I’d read some book on art theory / criticism and Cy and I had had a conversation about it before they left. In real life this wouldn’t happen! Apparently I’d asked her for some opinions on xyz, and in a challenging tone she followed up. She wanted to know if I thought she’d be a good art critic or philosopher. Too funny. This is another thing that’d never happen.I told them I’d been thinking to get a masters at RISD.

      In another segment, I was at this agency thing, run by a guy similar to Christian Slater’s character in Mr. Robot. I was supposed to come up with $80,000 to have them “redo” me, get a packaged portfolio out of me.

      Dream self – if no one ever wants to even MEET you, how are you going to show off an $80,000 portfolio? Silly.

    • Day 7, 1-1-14
      Missed this one.
    • Day 8, 1-1-15
      Decided to just do what I remembered from my dreams and seated, 30min meditation here. I wish you could embed .m4a files directly in wordpress, but you cannot. Link.
    • Day 9, 1-1-16
      I’m inconsistent with this exercise but I’ve finally accepted that’s the way it’s going to be. I already do a 30min formal meditation in addition. Also I read ahead just a bit and I’m really working on trying to “positive-ify” my thoughts before going to sleep, as well as repeating the banishing ritual. Recollections from last night’s main dreamLink.
    • Day 10, 1-1-17
      Did today’s “recollection” after my 30min sit, and I’ve decided I’m going to move on to exercise 2. I should’ve done this one twice a day for two weeks, making 28 entries, but this is the 2nd pass & I’d rather move on. It’s not like I’m getting graded on this.