I’ve got some good friends…

I’ve been so isolated sometimes I’m convinced I don’t have any at all, but then… I have been really letting it hang out on Facebook. I’ve got nothing to lose. I think it was either that or a complete freak out and I’m more interested in keeping my shit together.

Today was emotionally draining though

After two more equally lengthy & vicious nastygrams and several ignored calls, I got a comment from my NH friend who’d previously offered to go pick up the easel. It turns out she’s got both a corporate discount and an amenable shipping department at work. My last estimate from UPS was $600. Cathy thinks she can get it down to about half that.

I’d asked UPS to wait until tomorrow for my decision, but called them back immediately to tell them to hold it until Saturday. Apparently my mother had suddenly shown up, as they were preparing to close, saying she wanted to ship after all. These poor people stuck in the middle! They’d all been informed. Oh mam you don’t need to ask for anyone in particular. We all know about it. I then had to call her back & have an inane argument over the fact that she is not not allowed to pay for it. She’s to leave it. She’s out of the equation. End of story.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get it back together! I just couldn’t let it go. I’ve owned very little in life and I’ve been willing to let most of it go, but this was different. Part of me wonders if they gave such an inflated price because there was someone working there who was interested in taking it. Betty was trying to give it away!

The easel is symbolic of coming full circle

Whatever the fuck happens, I will get the bones of that easel out here to Portland. I never thought I’d do this. I don’t even have any oil or acrylic paints, not to mention all the other pile of supplies I’d need. I’m just going to give all the fight I’ve got left remaining into really, finally, being an artist. It won’t last long if the universe doesn’t throw me a goddamn bone already, hence the magical assistance I’ve been preparing.

I don’t think I’ll actually bother reading a book on narcissistic mothers. Not immediately anyway. I’d rather think about what I’m working on: the next illustration, the servitor, the next area of study in hermetics.

An email from mommy dearest #nastygram #emotionalabuse

Sent from my iPhone
Quoted in entirety. I think I will need to cut all contact with this woman. 

Back story to follow.

On Nov 17, 2016, at 12:19 PM, Betty Maddocks 

I have to get your easel back from the UPS Store ~ found 2 people who want it. Talked with Steve Beales, the headmaster at Alvirne, I guess you call him the principle, he said you were in his class, his wife is Regina Beals and he wants it. And now UPS also wants it. BUT like I said before you should have removed everything you owned from here when you left home ~ I should have demanded it or charged you storage. It has made a lot of work for me and it isn’t my job to do so & to be honest it pisses me off. I do not have a whole of patience any more especially when it is not my responsibility. Hey, I’ll bet you could get a job in the art department at Alvirne. I will have to call Steve back later.
Linda, I also think you must be going through menopause perhaps. I never ever had a hard time with it. And I have always wondered if you were bi-polar and/or manic/depressive. I always thought this (you have all the symptoms) ~ you were always demanding and high maintenance. It isn’t such a big deal because there are meds for it. I really do think you could use some professional help. You were a very demanding kid/high maintenance.

So anyway maybe hope at the end of the tunnel. But I should have demanded you take everything you own out of this house when you left home. You were a tough kid to raise. I would not do the same thing today. You would have to pay your own college. It makes people very weak to constantly be given free “everything”. And practically every time I went to visit you in NYC you were very abusive ~ you wanted me to walk with you to your gym and then pointed diagnonally and said “find your own way home”. I called your father & he said “get to the train and come home now and never ever go there again”. “But I have her house key”. You were always SO VERY MEAN.

Anyway I do love you but absolutely no more give-aways. There are always jobs. If you were telling me the truth about how badly you behaved at your last NYC job I would have fired you on the spot and had guards remove you. If you don’t change your attitude you’ll never find work. I really think you need meds and an attitude adjustment. It’s up to you. I love you. There is hope ~ you need to apologize to those young girls at the last job when they fired you. Mom