Last night discovered I no longer have the ability to purchase metro tickets

Can’t get there from here

a personal favorite dream genre

I was in some urban area with a subway. I had to scan my passport in order to buy tickets, and though I’d done it a million times before I could NOT get it to work. I got so hysterical some woman helped me, but she told me something was wrong that I couldn’t correct. She gave me some sort of “fix” that’d allow me to board that train that day, but I knew I’d never be able to travel freely again.

That one’s not hard to explain.

I am SO bad at adulting

I’m deeply embarrassed right now for a stupid mistake I’m not going to detail. I will just “lean into” the mindbody cringe because thankfully there will be no severe repercussions other than my realizing anew I’m an idiot. I’m trying to take the Pema to heart. If all my expectations have gone tits up, (as Sam would say), despite the fact I seemed to be so primed for new success the failure was a surprise to everyone, I should at least try to learn something from it. I’m not doing anything else.

Smart people can be highly intelligent in some areas and extraordinarily inept in others. Maybe my current situation is one of the reasons I’m watching politics for the first time in my life. The shit show makes me feel better, not so alone.

I’d always thought I had myself together to a large degree, but blowing everything up & moving to Portland has revealed I most certainly do not. Everything is so goddamn circumstantial.

Twitter is down right now & it’s making me crazy(er).

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It’s the Russians doing it for Drumpf!!! I was on his page yesterday for literally hours, reading, hearting and sometimes retweeting all the shade in the comments. There was more shade than anything else. He’s gotta be feeling the pain today, after the debate and then tanking during the Al Smith dinner. Which I’d never heard of before this year, but hey, I am a woman who was a year off about her own age until Scott Weiland ODd.

How the hell did I ever manage to be so productive and competitive in the work force in NYC? I can’t believe I managed it from present perspective. I almost can’t remember that version of myself, and I’m so cut off from the past (contact with old friends who would “remind me”) there’s only a trace of that person left, I feel.

Whatever. I should look for a vegan chocolate chip cookie recipe. I told Charlie I was going to attempt to make him cookies.